I don't think this is normal!

As we head into Spring, I am seeing and hearing lots of commercials for lawn care services and products.

The TV commercials show people sitting on, laying on, and playing on their lawns (which of course are the perfect shade of green).

The thought of sitting or laying on a lawn gives me the heebie jeebies!!  All I can think about is the yucky feeling of the grass on my feet and legs (and arms if I were to, god forbid, lay down).  Then, I think about all the gross bugs that could be in there.  Then, I think about all the bird feet germs and poop mixed in there.  Then, I think of all the critters like rabbits, squirrels, and chipmunks that had their feet and hind ends on the grass (and they poop too!). 

I'd like to rip up my lawn, lay down a slab of concrete, and paint it green!

Normal?  I think not.  Do I care?  No!  Just keep that grass away from me.

Confessions

I'm not sure these are confessions but let's call them that anyway!

I don't like hate to share.  I'm an only child and sharing is one thing I never had to do as a kid.  I do it very poorly as an adult!

I hate housework.  Wait . . . doesn't everyone?  I hate it so much that if you were to visit my house, you'd think a tornado went through and it deposited about 17 feet of dust.  Maybe I'm just lazy?  Hmmm, could be that too.

I'm cheaper than cheap with free token/points I win in online games.  I play several games on the Internet and win tokens/points.  You can buy stuff like "power ups" with those and I hate to do that.  It's like I'm a millionaire but only if I'm a cartoon character.

I am stubborn and bullheaded (ask Angry about this one).  If I think I'm right, you will never, ever, ever change my mind.  And, I'll argue my point to death.  You will eventually give up and walk away.

I'm not a girly-girl.  I hate to wear skirts or dresses.  I won't wear pantyhose.  I like to swear.  I burp and fart like a man.  I guess this isn't really a "secret" as anyone that knows me more than 5 minutes gets to enjoy all that.

I'm overly anal retentive when it comes to my job.  I will un-staple and re-staple papers until they line up just right.  I will wite-out and rewrite stuff so it looks the way I want.  I'm trying to stop; I can't.

When I write, I hold the pen or pencil so tight that I'll snap it right in half.  I also press so hard on the paper that I'll tear it.  Repressed aggression coming out?  Do I need to seek help for this?

I don't hate The Three Stooges.  From what I understand, most women can't stand them.  Their movies wouldn't be my first choice to watch but if they are on if Angry turns one on, I'll watch and actually enjoy it.

I think that's enough for now.  Believe me, there are many more interesting things about me that you are just dying to find out!

What brand?

Angry and I have two cats.  One is 14 years old and one is 11 years old. 

The older cat stopped eating hard kibble a few years ago.  No big deal, we started feeding him canned food.  We’ve searched out what we thought was the best.  We’ve tried holistic food, all natural food, and food made from nothing but fish or fowl.

He used to eat pretty much anything we offered him.  I’d mix it up with different “flavors” because I felt like he’d like a variety.  Yeah I know; he’s a cat for pete’s sake.

A while ago, he stopped eating anything that was seafood flavored.  What?  A cat that won’t eat seafood?  We bought only chicken, turkey, or beef.  Then he stopped eating beef.  We He eventually narrowed it down to two foods that he’d eat.  Then a month or so ago, he stopped eating one of those two.  We are currently down to one flavor of one brand that “Mr. Picky Pants” will eat.

Monday I opened the last can and asked Angry to stop after work to pick some up.  I specifically asked him if he knew what brand and flavor to buy.  The very typical “Yes Dear” was the response I got.

When I got home, he told me that the store only had the “small” cans so he bought a bunch of them instead of the larger cans we like.

That brand we use doesn’t come in a “small” size!  I asked him what he bought.  He said the “Turducken” flavor that the cat likes. 

NO, NO, NO!!  He won’t even sniff that one before he walks away!!  That’s the one he quit eating a month ago.

I’m normally the one to feed the cats.  This is even funnier because he just fed them the other day (using the correct brand).  Then, he also fed them when he got home from the store.  He didn’t notice that the can he was using was different from the ones he just bought!!

Luckily, the pet supply store we use allows returns.  He said he was going to tell the sales guy that, “My wife told me the wrong brand to buy” for his return reason.  Thanks Honey!

I love the man but sometimes wonder what’s going on in that head!!

Driving Etiquette

I’m feeling very bossy today so I’m going to give you more rules to follow.  I feel like I need to be in charge!!

Let’s discuss driving etiquette shall we?

Ø      When entering the freeway, do NOT get on at 45 mph.  The speed limit is at least 55 mph and most cars on the freeway are going at least 60 mph (this could be even faster depending on where you are driving).  You have a nice entrance ramp to get yourself up to speed.  If you are afraid to get going, stay off the freeway.

Ø      Let other people enter the freeway (even if they are only going 45 mph).  If people are tying to merge, let them!  You can change lanes, slow down, or speed up.  This is not rocket science; you are not the only person on that road!

Ø      Don’t slam on your damn breaks on the freeway as you get close to your exit.  Get onto the exit ramp and then slow down.  D’oh!

Ø      Don’t tailgate me on the freeway.  I tend to go at least 10 miles over the speed limit and am often doing 15 over.  If that’s not fast enough for you, go around me.  If you tailgate me, I’m going to slow the hell down.  Then, I’ll get to see you flip me the bird.  I love that!

Ø      Those of you that go 100 mph in a neighborhood, slow the hell down.  There are kids and pets that can run out from between parked cars.  I don’t want to witness you run someone or something over.  Speed limits are slow in these areas for a reason.  If you are running that late, leave earlier next time.

Ø      On the other hand, please drive at least the speed limit!  Why are you driving 15 in a 30 mph zone or 50 on the freeway when it’s 65 mph?  Come on, read the signs. 

Ø       Learn how a four way stop works.  First to the sign crosses or turns first.  If you get there at the same time, the person on the right goes first.  Do NOT direct traffic and wave people to go before you.  You are not a cop.  Only cops get to direct traffic.

Ø      Don’t slingshot past me only to turn left in front of me at the next corner.  Now I have to sit behind you while you wait to turn.  I’d like to ram your car when you do this.  I’ll refrain.

Ø      Get off your friggin’ phone.  You are swerving and changing speeds more often than a hooker changes johns.  I’m going to cause an accident trying to avoid your craziness.  Then you will drive on, totally oblivious to what’s happened.

Ø      When it is raining, snowing, or foggy turn your lights on.  It may not help YOU see but it helps me see you.  This is actually the law in many states (look it up).

Ø      Keep your cigarette butts in your own damn car.  If you want to smoke, don’t liter.  Not only are you a litterbug but you could possibly kill birds (who eat them thinking they are insects).  When I see you flip one out your window, I wish for it to fly back into your car and smolder in the back seat.

Am I a perfect driver?  I’d like to think so.  But, I know that’s not the case.  I do, however, practice driving etiquette.

If you remember my rules, then we can avoid any sort of road rage.  Trust me, you don't want to feel my wrath (well, let me think so anyway)!

It's a big (no, HUGE) drinking day today!

Today is St. Patrick's Day. 

As a day to celebrate, I think those of us here in the US don't have it quite right.  Is there a need to open the bars at 6 am?  How does one celebrate in Ireland?  I think it's a day to feast (actually, a religious feast), not get crazy drunk (although I think THAT'S a religion to lots of people!).

Anyway, since Angry and I will actually be at a local joint for Happy Hour and a special Irish menu after work today, I thought I'd talk about all the bartenders out there.

This SHOULD be one of the biggest money making days for bartenders.  Tips should be rolling in like there's no tomorrow!!  I HOPE that's how it works for them.

We have our "favorite" bartenders around town.  We enjoy sitting at their bars, chatting with them, and even Facebooking with some of them.  They work very hard and are really fun to spend time with.  We like to tip them well as they take good care of us (and put up with Angry when he thinks he's being funny!).

Here's a tip we saw recently at our favorite local joint (yes, I took a picture - it's good for the blog!):

Hey big spender!

If I remember right, this customer ordered at least four beers, wanted to be sure they didn't get mixed up, had several questions, and was generally very needy.  This tip was NOT what he should have left.  What the hell? 

I do understand that sometimes you may get poor service.  If that's the case, tip accordingly.

Otherwise, give your hard working and friendly bartenders some decent money (at the very minimum, $1 per drink)!  Tip especially well today when they will be run ragged by the crazy, green attired crowds.

Erin Go Brah and all that!