Does that movie get a thumbs up or down?

A few years ago, Angry worked for a sub-contractor to Time Warner Cable.  He was the warehouse guy who took care of handing out equipment to the techs that installed at peoples’ homes.

If someone was fired, he would collect equipment from their truck to inventory and return to the warehouse.

A supervisor for the technicians was fired one afternoon and Angry went to work on his truck.  As he cleaned out and inventoried stuff, he discovered something that was not a regulation piece of equipment.  Tucked under the driver’s seat was an X-rated DVD.  Angry would normally just toss something like that in the trash but this one was a bit unusual.

It was MIDGET PORN.  And yes, while midget may not be the PC way to say “small people” those were the words on the cover.  MIDGET PORN.  I realize that if you are a vertically challenged person this may be a type of porn you'd like to watch.  Angry's company did not employ any small people so this seemed to be a fetish of some sort.  If it wasn't a fetish, the supervisor shouldn't have left his DVD behind for everyone to assume it was!

Instead of tossing it out, Angry brought the DVD to his supervisor.  He wanted everyone in the office to see it and discuss make fun of the guy who was “into” that.  Everyone giggled like school girls for a few minutes and went back to work.

A week or so later, one of the techs said he had heard a rumor about the DVD and wanted to see if it was real.  It had quickly become a legend!  When they went to find it in the office, it was gone.  Angry knew it wasn't thrown out because he emptied the garbage cans for the office every night before he left work.  That DVD was never in there.

It seems that someone else had a midget porn fetish and the DVD went to a good home.  I hope that they had an understanding like-minded wife or girlfriend and the movie (and whoopee time after) was enjoyed!

Totally distracting!

Let me tell you a another story about my friend Judy (A.K.A. Pancake Judy).

I’ve already told you how we met in 9th grade and I hope she forgives me for telling you this.

Judy is very lucky and has beautiful, naturally curly hair.  Most women would pay a lot of money to have hair like hers.

When I met her, she wore her hair just like Roseanne Rosannadanna.  You remember that character from Saturday Night Live don’t you?  She was played by Gilda Radner and had hair that looked like a triangle.  Or, maybe it was a trapezoid?  Go ahead and Google that; I had to.  I'm not sure which but I felt like it was a triangle so that's the story I'm sticking to.

Maybe Judy just didn’t know how to handle that great hair as a young lady.  Every day she’d put a barrette on each side of her head and mash that section down.  Every. Single. Day.  The result was a perfect triangle of hair.  When I sat behind her in 9th grade English, I was very distracted by this.  I’d wonder how it got into that triangle shape and stayed there.  It was hard to concentrate on class with that thought racing through my head.

Not really Judy but you can see how distracting this hair would be. Right?

I asked begged her to let me see her without the barrettes.  She refused.  I continued to beg; she refused.  This scene played over and over.  I wondered and wondered how that hair would look once it sprung from those damn barrettes!  A circle?  A square?  A parallelogram? 

One day she got her haircut and let those curls loose.  She’s had the most beautiful, non-triangular hair ever since.

Now that I look back, I wonder why I never got to see that hair without those barrettes.  What DID it look like?  It still haunts me.

Bum Fight?!

Angry and I were in Seattle a couple of weeks ago for my Step-Brother’s wedding.  We decided to stay a few extra days and do all the touristy things.

We stayed in a hotel quite far from the major tourist areas but they ran a shuttle for their guests to get to those areas.  You’d call them when you were ready to be picked up and they’d come get you too.  It was a great system and we took advantage of it.

If you are hanging around the Pike Place Market / Waterfront area after 10 pm, the bars and restaurants close and you are stuck with nothing to do.  While there are still a few people walking around taking pictures and checking things out, it’s pretty deserted.

We were spending a day around the Waterfront area doing the typical tourist things like taking pictures, visiting the sites, and shopping for cheap t-shirts and souvenir junk.  We hit a few restaurants along the way for GREAT seafood and when everything closed at 10 pm we headed back to Pike Place Market and made our call to get picked up by the hotel shuttle.

While waiting for the shuttle, I saw something I’d never seen before.  Never.

Two homeless people beggars bums (IS there a PC way to say this?) were pushing and shoving each other.  A short argument went like this (yes, I took notes on my phone for bloggy goodness):

BUM ONE:  You better get the hell out of my territory! You ain't movin' in on my territory!

BUM TWO:  Stop yelling; you’re intimidating all the white people.

What?  Did I hear that right?  Angry confirmed that yes indeed, I had heard that correctly.  Bums have territories!  And oh, they didn't want to intimidate the white people.

As two of only a few (nearby) white people, we weren’t worried.  A bit confused maybe but not intimidated.  We figured they’d take each other out before they got close enough to us to do any harm.

We missed the rest of the fight as our shuttle arrived.

I’ll have to assume that all the frightened white people ran for their lives and the territory issue was eventually resolved!!

 

What's the meaning of life?

Whoops, that’s not what I wanted to ask!  Let’s start over. . . 

I’ve been taking note of personalized license plates I’ve seen on the road or in parking lots.  Some are easy to figure out.  Others, not so much.  Some I just can’t wrap my brain around.

Since most of my readers don’t comment, here’s your chance to break the ice!!

I’ve seen these while traveling around Wisconsin and I’m curious what some of them mean.  If you have a guess, let me know.  It may ease my puzzled mind.  Please also take a stab at those I assume I understand.  Maybe I don’t.

EVLWMN – Obviously an evil woman.  This should be MY plate.  I qualify for that (according to Angry anyway).

BLUEMOO – This was on a blue car so I assumed, since there are no blue cows, that the car color was the reference.

I lied; here's a blue cow! 

MAX N SAM – Two lovebirds?  Or, is there some brand of something I'm missing here (like Sam and Libby shoes)?

JACKERS – This car had a dog paw sticker so I thought that maybe they own a Jack Russell?

I PAMELA – Must be someone named Pam.

4GRANA – I immediately thought this was “grandma’s” car.  But, it wasn’t a typical grandma type car (if there is such a thing).  This plate was on a great big pickup truck (like a Ford F-250).

This is one big-ass truck. Would your granny drive this?

PRINT 4U – Maybe this person owns a printing company?

CNTRY RA – I’m perplexed.  Help me out here!  I assume country is the first word. . . 

CHIPSCXR – I’m stuck on this one as well.  Chips?  Chip?

ABETH – Another name plate; Beth would be the owner.

2BE GR8 – That’s easy.  Now, is the person trying to be great or is this person a narcissist?

D DAY VET – I salute this person!  Thank you for your service.  This plate was seen at a spa so I hope they had the best manicure, pedicure, massage, or haircut that they’ve ever had!

BLKCAT3 – Three black cats?  Or, maybe this plate because the car was black.

SHARK I – Shark Eye?  Either someone with great eyesight or a loan shark.  Hmmm. . . 

TEE TIME – Either a golfer or someone that works at a golf course. 

CLENCAR – Is this care perpetually clean or does this driver WISH it was?

HAIRDOO – A great plate for a hairdresser!!

KAZ R2 – Well, I can’t even get one idea from this one.  What's a Kaz?  Is that R2 as in D2?

PRETTY – I have to tell you about this driver. . . I was in line to have my car emission tested and this guy was in front of me in line.  I could see that he was “older” with grey hair (he looked to be in his mid to late 60s).  He got out of his car to look for something in his trunk.  He was sporting a mullet (balding on top as well) and was wearing a purple and yellow t-shirt.  I assume he thought he looked wanted to look pretty.

A similar mullet but he had less hair on top!

WLDLF RN – To me, a Wildlife RN would be a vet or a vet tech.

NOMAMES – Wow, I’m lost on this one!  Mames?  No mames?  Did they misspell Ma’am?

MRBUBLS – This was on a Cadillac Escalade.  Does the person like bubble baths?  Or maybe champagne?  Or, does he/she own a laundromat and that paid for one hell of an expensive car?

“He’ll bubble your nose and bubble your chin.
It’s so much fun when you hop in, with Mr. Bubble!”

Come on and chime in to let me know what you think!!  I'd love to hear your thoughts on any of these.

How did you guys meet?

When Angry and I are out and about, people occasionally ask us that.

That’s not the story I’m going to tell you though.

My friend Judy (of pancake fame) and I have known each other for 30 years.   We obviously met before we were born since we are both only 29!!  Well, maybe not. . . but that's not the point. 

Judy attended a Catholic grade school and junior high while I was at a public school for those years.  She graduated 8th grade and moved over to the public high school I was attending.

I was in an English class in 9th grade without any of my friends from junior high.  My teacher announced that we were going to do an assignment that required us to pick a partner.  Everyone else grabbed their friends and there I sat without a partner.  The person sitting directly in front of me didn’t have a partner either so I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if she’d like to work with me.  She was sort of stuck with me at that point so she said "sure."

The project consisted of us being videotaped doing something akin to a TV news interview.  We were to learn how to ask valid questions and give valid answers.  And, we had to learn how to handle speaking in front of a camera.

Each pair had to come up with a scenario of who was interviewing who and why.  Judy was the interviewer and picked Betty Babtrock as her character’s name.  I was Cecile Cameal, the interviewee.  I was being interviewed because I was going to teach Pygmies in Africa how to play flute.  Yes, you read that right.  Pygmies. Playing. Flute.  Now, we both actually played flute but who comes up with that Pygmy shit?  We did for some reason!

I, unfortunately, can’t recall what grade we got on our project but I’ll tell you it was an A.

I can also tell you that to this day, 30 years later, we still call each other Cecile and Betty!

Those memories of a great, lifelong friend can’t be beat.

But wait!  I've got another funny story about her to tell you soon.  She may not be happy with me after that but I need to share.