What's going on over there?

The other day, I was using a stall in a ladies room.  I will not mention where I was – it could have been a bar, a restaurant, or work – as I don’t want to incriminate anyone.  I was getting ready to finish up (flush and head to the sink) when a woman entered the stall next to mine.

She proceeded to make some noises in her stall.  It started with an “Aaaaah.”  I can maybe understand that one.  I’ve waited too long to pee many times and that relief is awesome.  But, I will only make a comment if I’m at home and Angry’s near the bathroom.  I usually say something like, “Man, I really had to go! Glad I didn’t pee my pants.”

She then continued with more. “Hmmm, uuuuh, ooooh” were some of the sounds I heard.

This went on while I washed my hands (loud enough for me to hear over the flushing toilet and the running water).

The sounds noises moans didn’t sound like she was in distress.  They also didn’t sound quite like fun an orgasm.  I wasn’t sure what to make of it but I didn’t hang around to ask!

IS it unhealthy?



I have an unhealthy obsession.  But what defines "unhealthy?"  Maybe it's just an obsession.

I’m madly  in love with in lust with Mike Rowe.  You know, the Dirty Jobs guy?

He’s totally sexy (man oh man).  He has a great voice (he was an opera singer for heaven’s sake).  He wears his jeans (Lee) perfectly.  He's an animal lover.  I could go on and on.

The calf is ALMOST at cute as Mike (almost).

I realize that I have a lot of competition.  I've seen many blogs and articles here on the interwebs stating how "hunky," "sexy," "dreamy," and "hot" he is.  That's OK.  Mike and I are on a first name basis because I've had some really nice dreams about him.

What's that Mike? You'll meet me in the bedroom? I'll be right there!

His Discovery Channel bio states that he’s “single (but taken).”  As long as he’s not married, it's game on.  He’s just a bit older than me which is good because I’m usually goo-goo-gaa-gaa over some young baseball player who’s almost young enough to be my kid.

Angry knows all about this as I don’t keep these thoughts to myself.  We watch Dirty Jobs and the dirtier Mike gets, the more I like him.  I’m usually making comments like, “Oh wow, he looks yummy.” or  “They should show how he cleans up after the job.”   

Yummy! Dirt never looked so good.

Angry said that if I could  trick Mike into persuade Mike to marry me, he'd give me a divorce.  On one condition though; I'd have to pass some of Mike’s money on to him.  HA!  I’m not quite sure how that’d work but I’ll think about it.

I know that my chances to land him are slim to none (actually just plain "none").  I believe it’s called unrequited love lust.  But a girl can dream can’t she?

Oh hell yeah, I'd pick that hitchhiker up!

I’m thinking of buying a Ford.  Maybe he can come to my house to film a commercial.  Hmmm. . . 

Tattoos!

Let's talk about Tattoos.

Years ago, only gang members, bad ass bikers (those you supposed to be afraid of, like The Outlaws), or those that had done time in jail got tattoos.  If you had a tattoo you were one of these people, no questions asked. 

Unless you were in the Military.  That's one group that has always had tattoos but weren’t looked down upon or considered dangerous.  I think they’ve always been “allowed” to have tattoos.  As it should be!

Now a days, tattoos are mainstream.  Is there anyone, anymore that doesn't have a tattoo?  Well yes, actually there are.  But, do people who don’t have a tat still look down on those that do?  I'm sure there are still some people out there that do "frown" upon tattoos but the majority don't seem to anymore.  There are even TV shows about tattoos on The Learning Channel.  The Learning Channel!!

I understand that some people do not want to have a permanent "picture" on their body.  I know that people worry about what it will look like when they get old.  Some people aren't even sure what they'd want to get.  Those are all great reasons to NOT get a tattoo.  I'd rather not hear a person's story about how much they hate their "stupid tattoo" and how they wish they had never gotten it.

I love tattoos (unless they are gang signs).  I love to see them.  I love to hear peoples' stories behind them.  I love to hear where they got them and when.

Angry and I each have three tattoos.  We got our first so long ago that I can't remember when it was!  I think it was 1997ish but who knows?  We got the second the following year.  We got our third this September.

It's been said that once you get a tatt, they are addictive.  I can concur.  Damn right!  I'm always thinking about what to get next and where to put it. I actually have a plan for another one but am looking for a good portrait artist and need to save some money.  These things ain't cheap!

Our stories go like this:

Tattoo #1 for Angry is a bald eagle and wolf set up like yin and yang on his shoulder.  These are two things that he really appreciates and respects (they are strong and beautiful at the same time).  It's an awesome tattoo and looks like a painting.

This tattoo ROCKS!

Tattoo #1 for me is a cute version of Tigger on my upper thigh.  Memories of my childhood laced with Winnie the Pooh triggered this tatt.  Tigger is my favorite character and just seeing him makes me happy.  I have not taken great care of him so his beautiful orange color has faded a lot.  I’ll be getting him touched up soon (hopefully).

Tigger is terrific!


Tattoo #2 for Angry is an arm band (like the barbed wire ones you see all the time).  But, his is made up of a killer whale, a great white shark, and a dolphin (repeated 2 times).  He thinks these guys kick ass.  He's thinking of having that arm done in a half sleeve of all sea creatures.  That would be cool.


I'm gonna eat you!



We're not as deadly but we're just as cool!

Tattoo #2 for me is an outline of a cat on my ankle.  It's simple and small but it shows my love for cats.  God forbid I turn into "The Cat Lady" when I'm old and feeble!!

I love cats (and I wish I was really that tan!).

Tattoo #3 for both of us is a pink breast cancer ribbon.  Angry's Sister is a survivor and my Step-Mom passed away from breast cancer this October.  We got these tattoos before she died so that she could see them.  She loved them which made us happier than I thought it ever could.  We got them on our forearms (my left, his right) so that they would show all the time.  This tattoo is my favorite and I am very proud to have it.



Angry's version.

My version.

I do wish these pictures showed the true colors and beauty of these tatts (especially the pink ones).  I was lazy and used my cell phone camera.  They are so much better in person!  Trust me on that.

Tattoos do involve some pain and suffering.  I hear people say that is what makes them special.  You “suffer” but you have something beautiful to enjoy forever.  You need to take very good care of them during the healing process.  You need to take care of them throughout life so they stay gorgeous.

Is it worth it?  You bet!

The black hole bra!

Anyone that’s ever met me in person knows that I’m, to put it nicely, well endowed.

I’ve had many things fall right in my shirt and catch in my bra.  My "catches" include things like popcorn, earrings, french fries, and even a pen (that I had been holding in my mouth).  I shake my bra and the item will fall through the bottom of my shirt.

On Saturday at about 9:30 am (time frames will be important later), I was in a hurry to get to a jewelry class.  I had a headache and went to take some aspirin.  I realized that I hadn’t taken my blood pressure pill.  So, I grabbed four pills (three aspirins and the BP meds) and tossed them into my mouth.  I felt like I didn’t get all four in but didn’t see anything that fell on the floor or anything that got caught in my hair.

I went on my merry way the rest of the day (oh, I’m a poet!).  Jewelry class from 10 am to 1 pm.  Stopping to pick up Angry.  Grocery shopping.  A quick lunch at Sonic.  A stop at Target for household items.  A stop at the pet store for food and liter.  We were on the go all day, getting home around 4:30 pm.  At 6 pm, we left to go out to dinner.  Sometime during the evening, I (as usual) dropped a french fry that ended up in my bra.  I lifted the bottom of my shirt and shook my bra to get it out.  Into my hand fell the fry AND MY BLOOD PRESSURE PILL! 

I was right that I didn’t get all four pills into my mouth and was walking around with that damn pill in my bra for almost 12 hours.

Whoops!  I guess my bra is a black hole.

Bad vacation behavior!

As I mentioned before, we were recently in Mexico on vacation.  If you read this about a problem I had there you will, most likely, laugh at me.

I'm in the mood to be bitchy today so I'm going to comment on all the bad vacation behavior I usually see.

We stay in an all inclusive resort and have visited that same resort for five years in a row.  We love it there and have gotten to know some of the staff (who are great at remembering their returning guests).  We have always been treated with the utmost respect, friendliness, and humor that anyone could ever ask for.  While you are not required (and are actually discouraged) to tip at an all inclusive, we do.  We respect and enjoy the employees there and want to show our sincere appreciation for their hard work.  As a side note, we always tip in pesos.  No one should have to work long hours and then try to get to a bank and wait in line to exchange their tip money.

Now, on to the bitchiness!!!

Smoking in the pool.  Why, why, why would you hang out in the middle of the pool with a cigarette?  I don’t want to swim through your ashes!  Or, if you DO stay at the side of the pool, why do you leave your butt(s) on the concrete?  Gross!!  Get out to smoke and use an ashtray.  The pool ain’t going anywhere; it’ll be there when you’re done.

Eating in the pool.  What?  You can’t get out for a couple of minutes to hit the snack bar or outdoor restaurant to eat?  I don’t want to swim through your salsa or guacamole (although I’d take this over the cigarette ashes).  The snack bar and restaurant are about 5 and 50 feet from the pool.  Get out, get your food, and enjoy it the right way.  This year, the security guards told people they had to leave the pool to eat.  These guests got pissed and threw their food in the garbage while complaining very loudly.  Hey, it’s a rule.  Get over it. 

Making fun of the vendors.  You are in Mexico.  Beach vendors are licensed and pay taxes.  These people are selling goods to make a living to support themselves and their families.  Don’t diss them, especially when they are standing right next to you.  If you don’t like their wares (and some stuff is truly junk), politely say “No gracias” and let them move on.  If you ARE interested, treat them with respect while haggling for a good price. Also, please be fair and don’t try to pay $1 for an item that you’d buy at home for $25. 

Getting shit-faced drunk.  OK, I get it.  You can eat and drink as much as you’d like.  Is this a reason to get so drunk that you act like an ass and can’t walk back to your room without falling down?  Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying you can’t get a little “happy” with the alcohol.  But, don’t drink so damn much that you act like a jerk.  I’ve seen people calling guests and staff names, swearing very loudly, and actually looking to get into a fight.  Not cool.

Skipping other guests who are waiting to be served.  If I’m waiting at a busy bar or snack bar, do NOT run up to the bartender / server and order your dink or food before me.  I was here first and I was doing the right thing by allowing those that were there before me to place an order and get their stuff.  Get in line and wait like the rest of us, you ass!  Is common courtesy dead?  I guess so.

Treating the staff like crap.  You are RUDE when shout across the pool to the waitress, “Hey! I need a beer!”  They will get to you on their rounds.  How about asking (nicely) at that point?  You are RUDE when you say to the cook at the snack bar, “That’s all I get?”  It’s an all inclusive and you can go back for more.  You are RUDE when you say to the bartender, “You don’t have Corona?” with a whiny voice.  Mexicans don’t drink Corona because it’s a laughable beer.  Drink what they have and shut the hell up.  You are RUDE when you say, “Make sure you give me the good tequila.”  Your idea of good isn’t necessarily everyone else’s idea of good (or the bartender’s for that matter).  If you want a particular brand, ask for it (nicely).

Playing pool games like you are in the Olympics.  We are all on vacation, hanging out at the pool and drinking.  When the activities staff starts a volleyball, water polo, or basketball game, IT’S FOR FUN!  It doesn’t matter if your team wins or loses, it’s fun just the same.  I saw a guy this year who was a goalie during water polo.  The other team scored and he threw the ball so hard back to them that it hit a woman in the face and she thought he broke her nose.  She was fine but why did he do that?  Stupid is as stupid does.

Trying to Americanize the food.  You traveled to Mexico for your vacation but you don’t like Mexican food?  Don’t try to make the restaurants change their entire menu just for you.  We observed one 20-something guest ask if they had jalapeno poppers.  That’s not Mexican food!  The waiter didn’t even understand the explanation of this dish.  Fill a pepper with cheese and deep fry it?  No comprende!

Hanging out on your balcony in your underwear.  We can see you!  We don’t want to see you!  I realize that many bikinis cover less acreage.  But, if I can see your Fruit Of The Loom or Hanes logo, get back inside.  A pair of granny panties and a bra just aren’t that appealing.

Generally, the guests we encounter are great and super friendly.  We love to chat with them at the pool, the bars, and the restaurants.  But, it’s those few people that act badly who make me want to scratch their eyes out!  Be nice so you and I can enjoy our vacations.

Adios Amigos!!