I can see what you're doing!

Angry and I were at a baseball game last month.  We had great seats on the first base side of the ballpark that were in the shade and on the aisle.  We were at an angle so that we had to turn slightly to our left to see home plate.  Trust me, this fact will be important.  I let Angry sit on the aisle and I took the second seat in.

A guy sat in the seat to the left of me and immediately whipped out his phone.  He spent a lot of time texting during the game.  He had an old fashioned “flip phone” so it took him some time to type out all his texts (also an important fact!).

At one point, I looked away from home plate and towards this guy’s phone screen.  I noticed that he was in the midst of typing a text.  Since it was taking him so long, I watched and read along as he finished.

I’m sure you are wondering what it said.  Right?

“There are two fat people sitting next to me on the aisle.”

WHAT?  It’s no secret that Angry and I are chubby. We are working to change that but it’s still a fact.  However, we are not enormous and we fit nicely in our seats.  We didn't take up more room than allotted.  In fact, I never even touched this guy's arms or legs with mine!

I actually wasn’t all that mad about it.  I was more confused.  What I didn't understand was the necessity to text this to someone.  Was it that important?  Did he have a fat people phobia?  In case you were wondering, that's Cacomorphobia according to the interwebs (See, come here and  you'll get educated!).  What was so significant about these two fat people that he felt the need to text about us?

I did feel the need to make a snide remark about it.  So I said (quite loudly), “I may be fat but at least I’m not ugly.”

I’m not sure if he understood that I had read his text and that the comment was related to him.  I don’t care.  He WAS ugly.  But I didn't text anyone about it!

What'd you say?

We were out to dinner with a group of friends recently.  At a large table, it’s sometimes hard to hear all the different conversations that are happening all at once.

I was chatting with one girlfriend and when I paused I heard another say, “Men don’t like it when you call their vegetables cute.”

She did explain what she meant but I won’t tell you.  

Just go ahead and giggle about it.  I still do!!

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign . . .

I was at a hospital lab the other day to get a blood draw and give a piss urine sample.

I let them suck about 100 tubes of blood (OK, it was only three but my phlebotomist wasn't very gentle).

Why yes, this was the actual syringe she used!

Then I was off to the bathroom to pee in a teeny tiny cup.

I picked a stall, went in, and closed the door.  Here's what greeted me behind that door:

I did use my cell phone camera in the bathroom but I did it BEFORE I peed!

WHAT?

Do people actually flush things like pens, cell phones, and pagers?  And someone had to add keys and shoes to the sign?  Shoes?  I could "maybe" see the other items.  Maybe . . .but only if you had them in your pocket and dropped them into the toilet by accident while pulling your pants up or down.  Maybe. 

Now, I did have my cell phone out in the stall to take that picture for bloggy goodness but I can guarantee you that I was not going to drop it into the bowl.  My hand was like a vise grip on that phone.  If I HAD, I wouldn't have left it there!  While it'd be gross to pick it out, it's my pee (unless, as the first line suggests, someone else didn't flush) and I can wash my hands when I'm done.  I'd put the cell phone in a wad of paper towels to get it home and figure out how to get it replaced.  Flush it?  No way in hell!  How does that saying go?  It's like fitting a round peg in a square hole?  Even if I didn't want that cell phone back, it's not going to fit through that hole and down the pipe.  Common sense people. 

The shoes perplex me.  How on earth would shoe get into a toilet bowl?  My mind was racing with scenarios that would cause that to happen.  Was someone standing on the seat?  Was someone doing a leg kick like a Rockette with a loose shoe?  How DOES a shoe get into a toilet bowl? 

If by some strange twist of fate a shoe did land in there, why would anyone flush that sucker?  Did they go in with two shoes and leave with one?  Did they toss the odd shoe and go barefoot?  I'm going to wonder about this for a long time.