Out of curiosity. . . .

Is there anyone out there that still uses one of these?

The "world famous" orange peeler. Obtained at a Tupperware party I'm sure.

I have a couple of these things but haven't used one in a long time.  Angry and I got some oranges that are basically impossible to peel so I thought I'd dig one out and try it again.

I loved it!  What you see in the picture took me less than minute to accomplish.  The other two pieces of peel were off after I took the photo and I ate my orange in peace.  No struggling, no squirting juice in my eye, and no "fuck this, I give up" rants.

Technology. . . not always related to electronic gadgets!

Eff you menopause!

I was getting ready for work today and having a hot flash.

Hey, hot flashes?  You can go straight to hell.

Anyway, try putting on a bra when your body is slick with sweat (sorry to my male readers as that's TMI).  And, putting on makeup with a sweaty face is impossible!

As I opened the back door to leave for work, the cold air felt heavenly on my overheated body.

But I started to wondering about something. . .

My temp was 500,000° (I didn't need a thermometer, I could just tell) which is slightly over the normal temp of  98.6°.  I felt like I would self-combust at any moment.

I walked outside and the temperature was 0°.

Could I catch a cold (sweaty, wet body into freezing air)?  Could my heart stop from the sudden temperature change?

One question was answered.  I'm still here so I didn't have a heart attack.

Right now I just want to say, "Fuck you menopause."

What's the meaning of life?

Whoops, that’s not what I wanted to ask!  Let’s start over. . . 

I’ve been taking note of personalized license plates I’ve seen on the road or in parking lots.  Some are easy to figure out.  Others, not so much.  Some I just can’t wrap my brain around.

Since most of my readers don’t comment, here’s your chance to break the ice!!

I’ve seen these while traveling around Wisconsin and I’m curious what some of them mean.  If you have a guess, let me know.  It may ease my puzzled mind.  Please also take a stab at those I assume I understand.  Maybe I don’t.

EVLWMN – Obviously an evil woman.  This should be MY plate.  I qualify for that (according to Angry anyway).

BLUEMOO – This was on a blue car so I assumed, since there are no blue cows, that the car color was the reference.

I lied; here's a blue cow! 

MAX N SAM – Two lovebirds?  Or, is there some brand of something I'm missing here (like Sam and Libby shoes)?

JACKERS – This car had a dog paw sticker so I thought that maybe they own a Jack Russell?

I PAMELA – Must be someone named Pam.

4GRANA – I immediately thought this was “grandma’s” car.  But, it wasn’t a typical grandma type car (if there is such a thing).  This plate was on a great big pickup truck (like a Ford F-250).

This is one big-ass truck. Would your granny drive this?

PRINT 4U – Maybe this person owns a printing company?

CNTRY RA – I’m perplexed.  Help me out here!  I assume country is the first word. . . 

CHIPSCXR – I’m stuck on this one as well.  Chips?  Chip?

ABETH – Another name plate; Beth would be the owner.

2BE GR8 – That’s easy.  Now, is the person trying to be great or is this person a narcissist?

D DAY VET – I salute this person!  Thank you for your service.  This plate was seen at a spa so I hope they had the best manicure, pedicure, massage, or haircut that they’ve ever had!

BLKCAT3 – Three black cats?  Or, maybe this plate because the car was black.

SHARK I – Shark Eye?  Either someone with great eyesight or a loan shark.  Hmmm. . . 

TEE TIME – Either a golfer or someone that works at a golf course. 

CLENCAR – Is this care perpetually clean or does this driver WISH it was?

HAIRDOO – A great plate for a hairdresser!!

KAZ R2 – Well, I can’t even get one idea from this one.  What's a Kaz?  Is that R2 as in D2?

PRETTY – I have to tell you about this driver. . . I was in line to have my car emission tested and this guy was in front of me in line.  I could see that he was “older” with grey hair (he looked to be in his mid to late 60s).  He got out of his car to look for something in his trunk.  He was sporting a mullet (balding on top as well) and was wearing a purple and yellow t-shirt.  I assume he thought he looked wanted to look pretty.

A similar mullet but he had less hair on top!

WLDLF RN – To me, a Wildlife RN would be a vet or a vet tech.

NOMAMES – Wow, I’m lost on this one!  Mames?  No mames?  Did they misspell Ma’am?

MRBUBLS – This was on a Cadillac Escalade.  Does the person like bubble baths?  Or maybe champagne?  Or, does he/she own a laundromat and that paid for one hell of an expensive car?

“He’ll bubble your nose and bubble your chin.
It’s so much fun when you hop in, with Mr. Bubble!”

Come on and chime in to let me know what you think!!  I'd love to hear your thoughts on any of these.

Who are They?

While we were out and about yesterday, someone said:  "You know, they say you should take care of that right away."

That got me thinking (and no, my brain didn't start smoking from being used!).

Who are "They?"

They say a lot.  Sometimes it's true or good advice.  But sometimes, it's a lot of hogwash.  Nothing that anyone should even listen to, let alone do.

What makes They the experts?

Do They have a degree in the thing that's being talked about?  Do They work in that particular field?  Are They some sort of doctor?  Are They a rocket scientist?

What makes us think that They are right? 

"They say" is used in a lot of conversations.  I know that I usually nod and agree.  Why?

Am I the only crackpot thinking about this?

Another set of questions that I assume won't be answered. 

Maybe They know?

What the hell?

Recently, Angry and I had the pleasure to see Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood of Whose Line Is It Anyway fame.  We see their show every year (the tickets are our Christmas present to each other).

We ate dinner before the show at a bar across the street from the theater.  We like this place and plan to eat there before the show every year.  It’s a small joint.  There are about 12 seats at the bar itself and five tiny tables.  They offer a limited menu of about 8 appetizers and a few “dinner” items.  Those offer a chicken sandwich, a French dip sandwich, chicken satay, and a burgers (and some stuff I can’t remember).  I think this is actually quite a large selection for such a small place.  And, the food is really good!

As we were enjoying our food (two appetizers for me and chicken tenders for Angry), many people came in and were looking to eat before the aforementioned show.  When they looked at the menu, they seemed surprised by the “limited” choices.  I heard the phrase, “That’s it?” several times.  
Most of these people left and seemed upset.  A few hung around and ordered food in a rather cranky manner (to the bartenders chagrin). 

What the hell?  It’s a small place that actually has a decent menu.  If you failed to make reservations at a nearby restaurant on the night of a show, you get what you get.

Are they always this unhappy?  What did they expect from a small joint like this?  Why didn’t they plan ahead?  Why not give it a try?  Why act so nasty towards the bartender?

Questions that will never be answered.  All I can say is, "Quit your bitchin’ people!"

What's with these Pajama Jeans?

Have you heard about Pajama Jeans?  I just recently saw an infomercial for them.  For those of you not “in the know” about these things, Google it.  I’ll wait.

Now that we’ve all seen them, I’m confused (not always hard to achieve in case you’re wondering).

A pair cost $39.95 plus shipping and handling of $7.95 for a grand total of $47.90.  I can buy really nice jeans that fit me very well at JCPenny (LOVE that store!) for about $21.99 during a sale.  Granted, sales tax will run me an extra $1.23 for a grand total of $23.22.  Shit, that’s half the cost!

But wait, there’s more!  If I order today, I get a “free” grey t-shirt.  They call the “outfit” a $100 value.  Honestly? The t-shirt is worth $60.05?  Oh goodie, just what I need.  Meh.

Their website says to allow 4-6 weeks for delivery.  Hmmm, if I go to my local store I can have my ‘normal’ jeans almost instantly.  I may have to wait in a checkout line for a couple of minutes though.

They offer a 60 day guarantee.  I can just skip buying the jeans after I try them on in the store if they don’t fit.  Or, I can return them quite quickly (with no extra shipping charges) if I decide I don’t like them or the way the look on me.  What to do, what to do?

The infomercial says “It’s a struggle to get into regular jeans.”  Ummm, no.  I buy the right size and they slide right on!  They even button.  Miracle of miracles.

Pajama Jeans are called stylish and sexy.  Really?  Sweatpants (or pajamas as they call them) are stylish?  Sexy?  Really, really?  Not so much.

I will give them some credit.  They do have sizes to 3X.  That’s the way to go in today’s crazy eating, getting to be obese world (of which, sadly, I’m a part).  They do have small sizes (as low as size 4) for those of you that are thin.  So, they’ve got that covered.  Good for them.

Confusion abounds.  Why do I need a pair?  Why would I pay that much for sweatpants?  Why would I wait that long to get them?  Do I need a grey t-shirt that badly?

And one last question:  Will I order a pair?  I can definitively say NO.

Intelligent or not so much?

I work for a relatively small company with just over 50 employees.  Most of us work in a nice office in a “fancy schmancy” downtown building.  Many of us have college degrees and several people have a master’s degree.  I, along with many of my co-workers, have hard to get but required licenses in our field.

Why is it that many of the well educated, intelligent men in this firm can’t put paper in a printer?

I’ve been here for almost 20 years and I’ve witnessed this often:

Smarty Pants Man (standing in front of printer with a quizzical look on his face):  “I think this printer might be out of paper.” 

Female Employee:  “The paper is right under the printer in the cabinet it’s sitting on.”

SPM:  “What?  Where?”

FE:  “Right there, right under the printer.”

SPM (not really looking for the paper):  “If I can even find it, where does it go?”

FE:  “In the paper drawer.  That’s right underneath where your printed documents come out.”

SPM:  “I still don’t see the paper.  There’s a drawer on a printer?”

FE:  “You’ll see a ‘handle’ that you can pull on to open the drawer and put the paper in.  The paper’s right there in that cabinet”

SPM:  “I don’t see it.”

FE:  “The drawer or the paper?”

SPM stands there looking around as if things will magically get done.

At this point, the Female Employee jumps out of her chair or office, gets the paper out and puts it in the printer with Smarty Pants Man looking on.  She usually always shakes her head as she walks away.

Putting paper in a printer is not rocket science brain surgery difficult.  I used to think about how dumb these men are.  After all these years, I’ve come to a different conclusion.  They know exactly what they are doing and want someone else to do what they consider to be the “crummy” work. 

Maybe a lot more intelligent than I first thought?  I’d bet.

Farting = Funny?

I'm in my 40s.  Supposedly that means I'm a mature, mellow, and secure woman.  That’s what “they” say anyway. 

Angry and I bought our first smart phones this summer.  We’ve had a great time searching for cool apps and games for those phones. 

As a supposed mature woman, can someone explain to me why I take great joy in the farting component of my favorite app, Talking Tom Cat? 



Isn't he cute?

When I open the app, the very first thing I do is press the fart button.  I giggle like a little school girl when I hear him let loose.  Obviously, the cartoon character makes it even more humorous.  He lifts his leg and tail to squeeze the farts out.  He also looks around guiltily like he hopes no one heard him.  The farts are a little different each time you press the button (farting randomness!).  And, the phone vibrates in your hand when he farts.  It's funny  HILARIOUS!!  Just thinking about it makes me smile and want to giggle. 

Quite often I’ll open the app and fart for the hell of it (Angry usually shakes his head and rolls his eyes).  Giggles ensue and I sometimes say to him, “Take that!”  

What the hell is wrong with me?  Whatever it is; I’m not sure I want to fix it.

Taking My Fortunes Too Literally?

I had two fortune cookies at lunch today.  I LOVE them.  I will try to enlighten you, dear readers, by telling you that these make a good snack or dessert at only 30 calories and 0 fats each.

I read my fortunes and I have some questions.

"You are going to have a very comfortable old age."
Comfy how?  A nice chair to sit in?  Good, arthritis free joints?  A warm blankie when it's cold in the house?  Lots of money to buy shoes and other necessities?
How old is old?  Do I have to wait until I'm in my 90s or will it be sooner?

"Everything will now come your way."
What's everything and how's it coming?  Some good movies delivered by Netflix?  A giant check delivered by Publishers Clearing House?  New shoes delivered by UPS?  Money falling from trees (where I wish it did actually grow)?  Some cute new clothes from a favorite store (hmmm. . . I think that means I'd have to go get those instead of them "coming" my way)?
What defines now?  Will it all come my way this instant?

Am I taking these things too literally?  I think not.  I believe I have legitimate questions that need to be answered.  And don't forget, I haven't even added the necessary "in bed" to the end of these things.  I am certainly not going THERE now.  That will create even more questions that are probably best left unasked.