Uncool at the pool.

We were at our favorite resort in Puerto Vallarta Mexico over Memorial Day week.  Yes, I took a week away from my project at work.  I had reached a point where I was going to start punching people (hard!).  We all agreed that if I didn’t leave I would probably have a mental breakdown.  So off we went.

One day while sitting at the pool, we noticed two guys with a pair of binoculars.  We didn’t think twice about it since they could get some views of the gorgeous birds flying around and maybe spot some dolphins Oceanside.

But. . . They were looking at women who were AT THE POOL.  What?  They were sitting on the opposite side of the pool from the bar.  Every woman that walked by to get a drink got the binoculars pointed at her boobs and her ass.  From about 100 feet away!  Heaven forbid that someone bent or leaned over.  Those guys got a close up of a lot of cleavage.  They didn't keep it a secret either.  They passed the binocs back and forth looked at whatever caught their fancy.  Binoculars at 100 feet?  Really?

As we watched what they were watching (does that make us as bad as them?), we noticed that they’d point the binocs towards the hotel windows.  Maybe hoping for someone who forgot to close their curtains?  I wonder if they got lucky.

I do realize that when you have a bunch of people in swimsuits (especially bikinis) you will have eyes roaming to their bodies.  But, the “normal” crowd is wearing sunglasses and no one really knows where those eyes are pointed.  With the binoculars, there was no question what they were looking at.

Bird Watchers or Girl Stalkers?

Cruisers, Boozers, or just Losers?

 

You decide!

 

 

 

 

More ranting. Can't anyone behave?

Angry and I go to a tanning salon.   We use it year round because it helps the psoriasis on my hands and arms.  We use it more often when we are getting ready for vacation (which we are doing right now).

Our salon is currently doing construction to enlarge.  Thus, you have to wait for a booth to open just about every time you go.  We use the vertical (stand up) booths which are located in rooms right next to the lobby.  You can tell when the booths turn on and off and can hear the radios that are attached to those booths.

When we went last night, we requested the stand ups and sat down to wait.  Meanwhile, there was a woman waiting to use one of the booths we wanted.  It emptied, was cleaned, and she was told she could go ahead and use it.

She heads into the room and takes a phone call.  We can hear her talking (with the other caller on speaker!).  She kept talking, and talking, and talking.  Gee, how about you get your ass into the tanning booth so those of us that are waiting can take our turns?  She would have heard us ask for the stand up booths so she was well aware that people were waiting.  She finally hangs up the phone but spends several minutes tuning the radio to several different stations.  Hey lady, you are going to be in there for 10 lousy minutes; pick a station and get in there!

When the booth turned off, she spent extra time tuning the radio some more while she got dressed.  GET OUT!  People are waiting their turn!

I think I may be turning into that angry old person who tells the kids to “get off my lawn.”  Maybe I wouldn’t be so pissed off if people actually behaved themselves!

Why did they bother?

Angry and I went to see Bryan Adams on Friday for his Bare Bones tour.  He does his set with his guitar and harmonica.  He also has a piano player with him.  We both love his songwriting and his music.  His voice is awesome and his attitude with the fans is great!!  He is very talkative and tells some great stories during the show.

This, however, is not a review of his show.

This is a rant.  Ready?  Go!!

There were four young ladies in front of us at the show.  I’d say they were in their late 20s or very early 30s.  They talked, and talked, and talked all through the entire show.  Not whispering, talking.  Talking during the music, talking during Bryan Adams’ storytelling, talking during times of quiet guitar playing, talking during piano solos.  Yap yap yappity yap.  They even talked after I whispered “Shut the fuck up.”

We were in the 5^th row.  That means they were in the 4^th row.  That means that Bryan Adams had to have heard them during quiet moments of the show.  I would think this had to have been distracting for him.  It was for me.

Why would they bother to pay good money to see a show and talk through the entire thing?  If they wanted to listen to music and gab, they should have stayed home and turned on the radio.

I paid to hear one of my favorite singers and songwriters.

I didn’t pay to hear them talk!

Really? You had to do that?

Do NOT cross the street if you have a don't walk sign (that's the big orange hand in case you were wondering!).  Especially in a busy Downtown intersection with traffic coming at you (and me waiting to make a right turn).

This means you stay on your side of the street!

And, if you decide to be the dumbass who does that; don't walk so slowly that everyone has to wait forever to get through the intersection.

That is all.

Toilet Etiquette Number 2

Get it?  Number 2?  I crack myself up.

Anyway. . .  Yesterday I gave you some rules for the bathroom.  I spoke to Angry last night and asked him if men behaved any better.  He thinks they are probably worse.  He’s obviously not been in some of the ladies rooms I’ve been in.

According to Angry, here are rules for you men to follow:

ü  When at the urinal, keep your eyes straight ahead.  Don’t sneak a peek at anyone else’s “nasty bits.”  You may not actually be doing this but it looks like you are.

ü  The urinal is not the place for a conversation.  Shut up and pee already.

ü  Do NOT throw garbage into the urinal.  Where do you think it’s going?  The small drainage holes do not allow your trash to get flushed.  Garbage cans are there for a reason.

ü  If you pee in the stall, lift up the damn toilet seat.  Don’t leave yellow droplets all over it.  Someone may actually have to sit down on that thing.

ü  Don’t paint poop graffiti in the stalls.  Who does this?  What the hell is the matter with them?  That’s rude nasty sickening.  Um, I changed my mind.  Men behave way worse than women!

Obviously, men need to follow some of the rules I listed yesterday.  Here they are in case you are too lazy to go back and read that post:

ü  Don’t talk on you cell phone in the stall.  Potty time is personal.  Keep the phone in your pocket.  What about the germs?  What do you think’s on your phone now that you used it in a public restroom stall?  Not a pleasant thought.

ü  Don’t try to hide out and smoke in a stall.  Wisconsin has a smoking ban in all public buildings.  It’s the law.  No one wants to smell like your ashtray.

ü  Flush the toilet.  Every time.  Why is there yellow or, heaven forbid, brown stuff in the bowl?  The handle is right there so use it!  This goes for the urinal as well.  No one wants to see your "debris."

ü  Wash your hands!  Every time.  Why would anyone use the bathroom and leave without using soap?  Someone is going to have to use that handle that your pee (or poop) hands just touched.  That’s uncivilized.

Men, memorize these and we’ll all be much happier!

Toilet Etiquette

This should be simple.  I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t quite so for some people.

I can’t speak for men as I don’t use their bathrooms.  I’m sure there are similar problems.  I’ll ask Angry and maybe get you a list of rules about them as well.

Here are the rules; follow them.

ü  Don’t try to hide out and smoke in a stall.  Wisconsin has a smoking ban in all public buildings (lots of other states do as well).  The bathroom is part of the building (check the blueprints if you are doubting me).  We can smell you in there!  I don’t want to stink like your ashtray.

ü  Don’t talk on you cell phone in the stall.  That’s just plain WRONG.  First of all, you are confusing me.  Unless I heard your phone ring, I think you are talking to me.  Second, potty time is personal.  Keep the phone in your purse or pocket.  Third, germs!  What do you think’s on your phone now that you used it in a public restroom stall?  Not something I’d want near my face if I were you.

ü  If you are waiting for someone, move away from the door.  Everyone else thinks there’s a line waiting for a stall.  I do realize that there are some small bathrooms out there.  If you’re in one of them, let people know that you are not in line when they walk up and stand behind you to wait.  Don’t make me ask you; flag me on to relief.

ü  If you feel the need to re-do your makeup, get out of the way for people who actually want to wash their hands.  Your face can wait a minute while I clean up.

ü  Don’t spray hairspray all over everyone.  We don’t all want to be as flammable as you with that can of Aqua Net.

ü  Same rule for perfume.  Don’t spritz everyone near you.  We are not all fans of Chanel N^o5 and I don’t want to wear some of yours.

ü  Flush the damn toilet.  Every time.  Especially if you poop.  Why do I go into so many stalls and see yellow or, heaven forbid, brown stuff in the bowl?  The handle is right there so use it!  No one wants to see what you were doing in there.  Fact.

ü  Wash your hands!  Every time.  What would possess anyone to use the bathroom and leave without cleaning up?  Gross Disgusting!  I don’t want your pee (or poop) hands to touch the same door handle I have to use.  I wash up.  Don’t make my sink time useless.

Now that we’ve all be educated, I expect much better behavior.  Capish?

Bad vacation behavior!

As I mentioned before, we were recently in Mexico on vacation.  If you read this about a problem I had there you will, most likely, laugh at me.

I'm in the mood to be bitchy today so I'm going to comment on all the bad vacation behavior I usually see.

We stay in an all inclusive resort and have visited that same resort for five years in a row.  We love it there and have gotten to know some of the staff (who are great at remembering their returning guests).  We have always been treated with the utmost respect, friendliness, and humor that anyone could ever ask for.  While you are not required (and are actually discouraged) to tip at an all inclusive, we do.  We respect and enjoy the employees there and want to show our sincere appreciation for their hard work.  As a side note, we always tip in pesos.  No one should have to work long hours and then try to get to a bank and wait in line to exchange their tip money.

Now, on to the bitchiness!!!

Smoking in the pool.  Why, why, why would you hang out in the middle of the pool with a cigarette?  I don’t want to swim through your ashes!  Or, if you DO stay at the side of the pool, why do you leave your butt(s) on the concrete?  Gross!!  Get out to smoke and use an ashtray.  The pool ain’t going anywhere; it’ll be there when you’re done.

Eating in the pool.  What?  You can’t get out for a couple of minutes to hit the snack bar or outdoor restaurant to eat?  I don’t want to swim through your salsa or guacamole (although I’d take this over the cigarette ashes).  The snack bar and restaurant are about 5 and 50 feet from the pool.  Get out, get your food, and enjoy it the right way.  This year, the security guards told people they had to leave the pool to eat.  These guests got pissed and threw their food in the garbage while complaining very loudly.  Hey, it’s a rule.  Get over it. 

Making fun of the vendors.  You are in Mexico.  Beach vendors are licensed and pay taxes.  These people are selling goods to make a living to support themselves and their families.  Don’t diss them, especially when they are standing right next to you.  If you don’t like their wares (and some stuff is truly junk), politely say “No gracias” and let them move on.  If you ARE interested, treat them with respect while haggling for a good price. Also, please be fair and don’t try to pay $1 for an item that you’d buy at home for $25. 

Getting shit-faced drunk.  OK, I get it.  You can eat and drink as much as you’d like.  Is this a reason to get so drunk that you act like an ass and can’t walk back to your room without falling down?  Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying you can’t get a little “happy” with the alcohol.  But, don’t drink so damn much that you act like a jerk.  I’ve seen people calling guests and staff names, swearing very loudly, and actually looking to get into a fight.  Not cool.

Skipping other guests who are waiting to be served.  If I’m waiting at a busy bar or snack bar, do NOT run up to the bartender / server and order your dink or food before me.  I was here first and I was doing the right thing by allowing those that were there before me to place an order and get their stuff.  Get in line and wait like the rest of us, you ass!  Is common courtesy dead?  I guess so.

Treating the staff like crap.  You are RUDE when shout across the pool to the waitress, “Hey! I need a beer!”  They will get to you on their rounds.  How about asking (nicely) at that point?  You are RUDE when you say to the cook at the snack bar, “That’s all I get?”  It’s an all inclusive and you can go back for more.  You are RUDE when you say to the bartender, “You don’t have Corona?” with a whiny voice.  Mexicans don’t drink Corona because it’s a laughable beer.  Drink what they have and shut the hell up.  You are RUDE when you say, “Make sure you give me the good tequila.”  Your idea of good isn’t necessarily everyone else’s idea of good (or the bartender’s for that matter).  If you want a particular brand, ask for it (nicely).

Playing pool games like you are in the Olympics.  We are all on vacation, hanging out at the pool and drinking.  When the activities staff starts a volleyball, water polo, or basketball game, IT’S FOR FUN!  It doesn’t matter if your team wins or loses, it’s fun just the same.  I saw a guy this year who was a goalie during water polo.  The other team scored and he threw the ball so hard back to them that it hit a woman in the face and she thought he broke her nose.  She was fine but why did he do that?  Stupid is as stupid does.

Trying to Americanize the food.  You traveled to Mexico for your vacation but you don’t like Mexican food?  Don’t try to make the restaurants change their entire menu just for you.  We observed one 20-something guest ask if they had jalapeno poppers.  That’s not Mexican food!  The waiter didn’t even understand the explanation of this dish.  Fill a pepper with cheese and deep fry it?  No comprende!

Hanging out on your balcony in your underwear.  We can see you!  We don’t want to see you!  I realize that many bikinis cover less acreage.  But, if I can see your Fruit Of The Loom or Hanes logo, get back inside.  A pair of granny panties and a bra just aren’t that appealing.

Generally, the guests we encounter are great and super friendly.  We love to chat with them at the pool, the bars, and the restaurants.  But, it’s those few people that act badly who make me want to scratch their eyes out!  Be nice so you and I can enjoy our vacations.

Adios Amigos!!

A story about a sandwich.

Angry and I were at a local bar having a late-night beer after a show.

It was quiet, with a small crowd sitting around the bar.  We could all sit comfortably with lots of stools between each other.  This will be important in a moment.

In walks a couple.  He was walking with quite a “strut.”  Immediately, I sensed an attitude.  He looked like he thought they were very, very important.  They decided to cram into the two stools right next to me and she pushed and shoved her legs against mine.  I was forced to move over or be squished.  You couldn’t find two stools with some space between? D’oh!

The conversation with the bartender went like this:

Man With An Attitude:  “Hey there!  How ya doin’?  It’s been a long time and it’s good to be here.”

Cute Blonde Bartender:  “What can I get you guys to drink?”

Wife With Attitude:  “I need a rainbow.”

CBB:  “What’s that?”

WWA (in a very snarky voice):  “It’s Sambuca and Tequila Rose.”

CBB:  “We don’t have Tequila Rose.”

WWA:  “snort”  Yes, that’s right, she just snorted.  Did that mean she wanted something else?  Who knows.

MWAA:  “I’d like a corned beef sandwich.  They always hook me up with lots of extra corned beef.”

CBB:  “I’m not sure the kitchen is still serving dinner.  I’ll check for you.” 

Keep in mind, it was close to midnight.  The bartender went to check and I had to listen to the man say over and over that they “always” serve late and that he “always” gets “hooked up” with extra corned beef.  I felt like he was making sure everyone around him knew how important he was.

CBB (coming back from kitchen):  “I’m sorry Sir; the kitchen is serving only appetizers for another half an hour or so.”

MWAA (starting to whine):  “I can always get my corned beef no mater what time it is!”

CBB:  “We were just purchased by a new owner and they are making some changes.  The kitchen hours are one of them as they are planning to change the menu.”

MWAA (sounding like he was going to cry):  “I was looking forward to that corned beef like I look forward to Christmas!”

CBB (handing him a menu):  “I’m so sorry Sir.  If you’d like, I can put an order in for any of the appetizers on the menu.  Did you want a drink?”

MWAA (speaking to his wife):  “Let’s get the hell out of here.  I guess they don’t like their regular customers any more.”

As the man and woman stormed out of the bar, he stomped his foot and very loudly said, “Damn It!”

The other patrons at the bar immediately began laughing and commenting on this man's bad attitude and self importance.  And the anger.  So much anger.  I heard the words, “I always get hooked up with extra corned beef” repeated several times followed by howls of laughter. 

We chatted with the bartender and she said that she works most nights and had never, ever seen this guy.  Regular?  Not so much.  She also said that she has never heard of “hooking up” anyone with extra meat on their sandwich without charging for it.  She said, “You can get what you want but you’re gonna pay for it.”

Now, I enjoy eating out and good food.  But I’ve never likened a sandwich to Christmas.  And, I’ve never had a fit if something wasn’t available (especially late at night when most bars only have limited menus).  Pick something else for Pete’s sake.

This guy was almost crying over the fact that he couldn’t get his “hooked up” corned beef sandwich at almost midnight.  Chill out!  Have a drink and relax.  It’s just a sandwich.

 

Driving Etiquette

I’m feeling very bossy today so I’m going to give you more rules to follow.  I feel like I need to be in charge!!

Let’s discuss driving etiquette shall we?

Ø      When entering the freeway, do NOT get on at 45 mph.  The speed limit is at least 55 mph and most cars on the freeway are going at least 60 mph (this could be even faster depending on where you are driving).  You have a nice entrance ramp to get yourself up to speed.  If you are afraid to get going, stay off the freeway.

Ø      Let other people enter the freeway (even if they are only going 45 mph).  If people are tying to merge, let them!  You can change lanes, slow down, or speed up.  This is not rocket science; you are not the only person on that road!

Ø      Don’t slam on your damn breaks on the freeway as you get close to your exit.  Get onto the exit ramp and then slow down.  D’oh!

Ø      Don’t tailgate me on the freeway.  I tend to go at least 10 miles over the speed limit and am often doing 15 over.  If that’s not fast enough for you, go around me.  If you tailgate me, I’m going to slow the hell down.  Then, I’ll get to see you flip me the bird.  I love that!

Ø      Those of you that go 100 mph in a neighborhood, slow the hell down.  There are kids and pets that can run out from between parked cars.  I don’t want to witness you run someone or something over.  Speed limits are slow in these areas for a reason.  If you are running that late, leave earlier next time.

Ø      On the other hand, please drive at least the speed limit!  Why are you driving 15 in a 30 mph zone or 50 on the freeway when it’s 65 mph?  Come on, read the signs. 

Ø       Learn how a four way stop works.  First to the sign crosses or turns first.  If you get there at the same time, the person on the right goes first.  Do NOT direct traffic and wave people to go before you.  You are not a cop.  Only cops get to direct traffic.

Ø      Don’t slingshot past me only to turn left in front of me at the next corner.  Now I have to sit behind you while you wait to turn.  I’d like to ram your car when you do this.  I’ll refrain.

Ø      Get off your friggin’ phone.  You are swerving and changing speeds more often than a hooker changes johns.  I’m going to cause an accident trying to avoid your craziness.  Then you will drive on, totally oblivious to what’s happened.

Ø      When it is raining, snowing, or foggy turn your lights on.  It may not help YOU see but it helps me see you.  This is actually the law in many states (look it up).

Ø      Keep your cigarette butts in your own damn car.  If you want to smoke, don’t liter.  Not only are you a litterbug but you could possibly kill birds (who eat them thinking they are insects).  When I see you flip one out your window, I wish for it to fly back into your car and smolder in the back seat.

Am I a perfect driver?  I’d like to think so.  But, I know that’s not the case.  I do, however, practice driving etiquette.

If you remember my rules, then we can avoid any sort of road rage.  Trust me, you don't want to feel my wrath (well, let me think so anyway)!

It's a big (no, HUGE) drinking day today!

Today is St. Patrick's Day. 

As a day to celebrate, I think those of us here in the US don't have it quite right.  Is there a need to open the bars at 6 am?  How does one celebrate in Ireland?  I think it's a day to feast (actually, a religious feast), not get crazy drunk (although I think THAT'S a religion to lots of people!).

Anyway, since Angry and I will actually be at a local joint for Happy Hour and a special Irish menu after work today, I thought I'd talk about all the bartenders out there.

This SHOULD be one of the biggest money making days for bartenders.  Tips should be rolling in like there's no tomorrow!!  I HOPE that's how it works for them.

We have our "favorite" bartenders around town.  We enjoy sitting at their bars, chatting with them, and even Facebooking with some of them.  They work very hard and are really fun to spend time with.  We like to tip them well as they take good care of us (and put up with Angry when he thinks he's being funny!).

Here's a tip we saw recently at our favorite local joint (yes, I took a picture - it's good for the blog!):

Hey big spender!

If I remember right, this customer ordered at least four beers, wanted to be sure they didn't get mixed up, had several questions, and was generally very needy.  This tip was NOT what he should have left.  What the hell? 

I do understand that sometimes you may get poor service.  If that's the case, tip accordingly.

Otherwise, give your hard working and friendly bartenders some decent money (at the very minimum, $1 per drink)!  Tip especially well today when they will be run ragged by the crazy, green attired crowds.

Erin Go Brah and all that!

Elevator Etiquette

I work on the 24^th floor of a 33 story office building.  The parking structure I use is in the same building and occupies ten of the floors.  I need to take two elevators two times a day, one to exit/enter the parking structure and one to/from the 24^th floor.

Let’s discuss elevator etiquette shall we?

ü      When the elevator door opens, WAIT for the people on it to exit.  Don’t jump in there and plow the exiting passengers over.  No courtesy = you are an ass.

ü      If someone on the elevator says “hello” or “good morning/afternoon” to you, say it back.  Otherwise, you look like a cranky ass.

ü      Don’t fart in an elevator.  We are all trapped in there and don’t want to deal with your stink bomb(s)!  Don’t be a smelly ass (literally).

ü      If there are a lot of people on the elevator and it stops to let more on, move towards the back and closer to your fellow passengers.  Don’t stand like a brick wall and force everyone else to shuffle around you.  You aren’t that important, you ass.

ü      Don’t sigh loudly if your floor is higher than mine and I press a button that makes you stop (for a few seconds) on my floor.  That makes me move veeeery slowly when I exit!  I become an ass (but you deserve it).

ü      Don’t talk about very personal things with your co-workers or friends.  I don’t want to hear about the new rash you just discovered.  I don’t want to hear about the great (or bad) sex you had last night.  I don’t want to hear about your new hair plugs or boob job.  Please keep this stuff to yourself.  If you don't, you sound like a self-centered ass.

ü      If someone is carrying a ton of stuff and their arms/hands are full, ask “what floor?” and push the damn button!  Bad manners = you are an ass.

CAN STOP BEING AN ASS!