Monday, December 31, 2012

It's my Blogiversary! Yes, I get to make up words if I want. It's my blog.

I started this bad boy on December 31, 2010 and I'm still here today (sort of).

While I've been way too busy to blog lately, I'm hoping to get back at it on a regular basis after January ends.  The project I'm "in charge of" at work should be done by then.

I've got some stories to tell you and I'm looking forward to sharing them!!


While you wait, take a look at these cutie pies and have a very safe and happy New Year!!








Isn't this a resolution that a lot of us have?  I'm going for the "buy a bigger basket" option myself!




HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!!


Thursday, December 6, 2012

For heaven's sake, blogging has taken a back seat!

For those of you that check up on me occasionally (is there anyone out there  that does that?), I'm still alive.

I'm in charge of a project at work and I don't have time to pee most days let alone blog.  Yes, I blog during slow times at work.  Don't judge me.

I'll be back as soon as I can.  I miss telling my stories (even if no one is reading them but me and Angry).

If I don't see you before January or February, have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or happy what ever you might be celebrating!!

Friday, October 19, 2012

I'm not dead!

For those of you that actually visit my blog on any sort of regular basis and have been wondering if I'm still alive. . . I am!!!

I've been busy getting ready for a vacation and that takes a lot of my free time when I get home from work.  I sure hope to have some good stories to tell when I get back though!

I know you are thinking, "Why doesn't she blog from work then?"  I've been working my ass off!  I sort of wish that was literal.  Well, I don't really want to be "ass less" as it would hurt to sit down without one.  But I wouldn't mind if it was a bit smaller.

Anyway, don't go away.  Keep checking. . . I'm here.  I'll get back to you with some stories or observations as soon as my life slows down a bit.

Meanwhile, I plan to drink a lot of these tonight:


I'll be drinking glasses, not pitchers!!
 
And this last month or so at work may cause me to have a few of these too:
Be careful. Very, very careful.

And since it's Friday, look at these cute baby animals and feel happy!


    
If this picture doesn't make you smile you have a cold, cold heart.



Yes, squirrels are rats with fuzzy tails but BABY squirrels are adorable!


Who doesn't love puppies?



Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I'm tired of drugs!!

Sorry everyone but I've got to put the "word verification" back onto my comment section.

I took it off because many people told me that they couldn't get it to work right and couldn't leave a comment.

Those of us that blog are attention whores and want need comments to make us feel important.  OK, maybe not all bloggers but I do!

I took the verification off but now I'm getting about 100 spam comments a day about drugs (legal ones!).  I'm not interested in Viagra and other junk like that.

So, I apologize if you are having problems commenting.  I'd like to see everyone's thoughts and ideas about my blog but can't stand the druggies that are sending spam to me!!



Thursday, September 20, 2012

What's in a row?

Pat over at A View From the Edge always does a "Thursday's Things in a Row" blog.  It's a great idea and so much fun to see what she's taken pictures of!!

I decided to take a rare lunch break today and walked to a nearby mall.  It's accessible from my building by using a sky walk (which is great in the Winter!).  I took some 'in a row' pictures to follow in Pat's footsteps.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery don't ya know.

This picture has a lot of things in a row!  Skylights, rails, chandeliers, columns, and arches to name a few.



Here are some sugary treats in a nice row to help you along if you feel fatigued while shopping.  I think I'd pick my favorite color if I was to have some.




Walking through the mall I saw a store with lots of t-shirts for sale, all displayed in rows.



I was distracted by the shiny things in one of the stores!  Lots of bracelets in rows to choose from.  I didn't buy any though.  I did get a strange look from the person at the counter while I snapped the photo with my phone.  Maybe she thought I was casing the joint?  Really lady, I'm not stealing anything.  I'm blogging.

 
 
The same store had some Green Bay Packer shirts.  Go Pack Go!!
 


On the way back to my office building I stopped at a produce stand.  Look at all the yummy stuff in rows here.  I bought some avocados (five for $1!!).



Walking back through the sky walk I noticed the flags along the bridge (over the Milwaukee River).  Very patriotic and the flags looked beautiful blowing in the wind.




At last I needed to get back to work so I used the elevator (I'm not taking 24 floors worth of stairs even if they allowed me in the stairwell).  All the buttons are in two neat rows.


I got some exercise and had fun taking pictures.  And, I got some healthy avocados for dinner tonight.  My shopping trip cost me $1.  Not too bad for a shopaholic.  Right?

Hope you enjoyed shopping along with me!



 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

What's that smell?

I think I've told you that I work in a 'high rise' building (33 floors is as good as it gets though).  The building has many employees of its own.  There are security people, cleaning people, maintenance people . . . you get the idea.

There is one guy that has worked here for a long time.  I see him in the parking garage and those elevators all the time.

He works very hard doing menial tasks.  He sweeps up the garbage (even stuff like this) in the parking structure.  He empties garbage cans.  He wipes the door handles (waxing them so they shine pretty) and other miscellaneous things.  He does a good job.  When he's on duty, things are clean and tidy.

He has a terrible body odor.  It's so bad that you have to hold your breath if you are riding in an elevator with him.  If he's been in and out of an elevator, you can smell the BO for quite a long time afterwards.

I worry about him a bit.  He's quite large.  I'd guess around 300 pounds.  He never speaks, smiles, or even nods a hello.  I wonder if he has a mental disability and just doesn't bathe as he should.  Or does he have a physical ailment that makes him smell so bad?  Maybe it's something related to his body size?  I hope he's OK.  If I'd see him smile once and a while I'd probably feel better.

Now, I've been in elevators with people that wear too much perfume or aftershave.  His body odor isn't really any different that that.  I have to hold my breath with them too!

Friday, September 14, 2012

Shit! I almost forgot to post for NIAFPHFPPW today!

Don't forget that it's still "National Irritate a Food Pic Hater Food Pic Posting Week" or "NIAFPHFPPW" for short.  Bloggers unit!  Blog about your food (with pictures since that's the point) and enter Yabu's contest over at Bad Bad Juju.

Here's something I whipped up last Winter.

It's my Split Pea Soup.  That's not pee soup people; you couldn't split pee if you tried.

You put your split peas, water, carrots, onions, hock(s), and seasonings of your choice into a crock pot.  Note that I did not say "celery."  I do NOT use celery.  Read why here.

No, that's not a volcano in the middle; that's the hock!

Put the lid on and slow cook the hell of out of the concoction.  The hardest part is cutting all the yummy, porky goodness from the hock bone but it is worth all the effort (which in reality, isn't that much effort at all).

The beauty that appears many hours later looks like this:

You can't tell from the picture but there is NO celery in there.  And guess what. It's still delicious!

I've just now realized that I've blogged about this exact batch of soup before.  You can read more about my thoughts on peas if you are so inclined.

This will probably be my last post for the haters during NIAFPHFPPW Week.  I have 9 million (literally) errands this weekend and a wedding to attend.  No time for blogging when real life takes over.



Thursday, September 13, 2012

I actually cooked something for my NIAFPHFPPW pictures!

As are reminder, it's still "National Irritate a Food Pic Hater Food Pic Posting Week" (or NIAFPHFPPW for short).  This cool idea was thought up by two great bloggers, Yabu at Bad Bad Juju and Laura at Fetch My Flying Monkeys.  Yabu likes to post pictures of his cooking and he gets some haters in his comments who think this is a bad idea.  To piss them off, he's started a contest on his blog.  Join in and blog about your food!  Too bad for the haters (NOT).

Last night was pasketti night.  Now that's not some cool, foreign dish.  That's how I used to say spaghetti when I was a kid.  Try saying it out loud because it's actually kind of cute:  PA-SKET-E.

Angry and I were in Galena, Illinois, in July and we found a great pasta store called Pasta Perfetta.  No, I'm not getting any freebies for posting their link here; I just like their stuff. 

We bought a bunch of flavored pasta there and they're delightful.  Last night we tried the Southwestern Chipotle flavor.  When it's done cooking all you need is some olive oil and, of course, cheese!  For those of you that were wondering, it does have a bit of heat to it.  Not enough to make your mouth burn but just a small kick to liven things up.

Does 'extra' virgin mean that it has never been kissed?
I'm from Wisconsin. We make (and love) cheese. I probably used half this sucker!
 
I set the pasta to boil for four minutes:

Don't forget to cook your pasta. It's too crunchy otherwise!

As usual, I needed wanted some booze so I opened some wine (also from Galena):

Did I drink the entire bottle? I'm not telling.

We added some garlic bread to our dinner.  Unfortunately, it is store bought.  I'm a lazy cook (and a crummy one to boot) so this is what you get at my house!

Directions: 1. Open box 2. Put on cookie sheet 3. Bake

The pasta was cooked to perfection (if I do say so myself), tossed with the olive oil, and topped with shredded cheese.  Easy peasy and tasty.

More wine please!

Oh, and let's not forget the fancy schmancy dessert that I served:

What can I say? I love chocolate and it's good for the soul!

Dinner was served in less than 15 minutes and that includes spending a lot of time taking pictures!!  Hey haters?  I hope you enjoy your misery as much as I enjoyed my dinner!


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I'm bored so you get to see more food pics that I'm posting for the haters!

Here's another post for "National Irritate a Food Pic Hater Food Pic Posting Week" (or NIAFPHFPPW for short).  Remember that this was created by Yabu (post your food pics and get into his contest!) and Laura.

I'm doing desserts today (because I was too lazy to cook last night).  I've enjoyed these at various restaurants and bars.

Who doesn't love cheesecake?  Here's one a friend of mine ordered at Cheesecake Factory:

Oreos in (and on) a cheesecake.  Dessert extraordinaire!

 
Angry got a free meal at  Red Robin for his birthday in August.  He wanted a dessert to celebrate.  We ordered a salted caramel shake.  By the way, how DO you say that?  Is it CARE-A-MEL or CAR-MEL?  Either way, I can promise you that this shake was to die for.

You can't see the salt but it was in there!

This could technically be considered an appetizer, a meal, OR dessert!  We ordered some awesome Blood Marys when we were in Seattle.  The one on the left (that was mine) had an oyster on the stick (the white thing on the far left).  Drinking that was an OMG moment for me.  Delightful!

Appetizer? Dinner? Dessert? Who cares; just drink!

How are you all doing out there haters?  Enjoying my pictures?

Damn, now I want a Bloody Mary.  It's 10:30 am and I'm at work.  That would be frowned upon so I guess I'll stick to my coffee.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

A new post for the food pic haters out there!

Let's not forget that it's "National Irritate a Food Pic Hater Food Pic Posting Week (NIAFPHFPPW)!"

Last night's dinner (for all the haters out there) was made for a lazy evening.

We started with three simple ingredients of turkey sausage with three cheeses, tomatoes, and an avocado.

It don't get much easier than this!

Before beginning the food prep, I needed to prep myself!

Cooking is so much more fun when alcohol is involved. Trust me.

I chopped the tomatoes and sprinkled them with some incredible Italian olive oil and Hawaiian sea salt:

See the pretty tomatoes?

I made them even better with some seasonings!

The sausages were grilled to perfection by Angry:

YUMMY! 

I chopped the avocado at the last minute to prevent it from turning brown (and sprinkled it with some Chili Verde sea salt) and we had a great dinner!!

I never said I was a chef but this tasted delightful for a Summer dinner.

Haters?  Go ahead a hate.  I enjoyed my dinner and I enjoyed sharing my pictures with you!

Monday, September 10, 2012

If you're a hater, you're gonna get irritated!

One of my favorite bloggers, Laura at Fetch My Flying Monkeys, was having a conversation with one of my other favorite bloggers, Yabu at Bad Bad Juju (check the "My Favorite Reading" link to see all my favorites).  As you can see from the link above, she pointed out on her blog that Yabu has some "haters" in his comment section who don't like that he posts food photos on HIS OWN BLOG

So, they have decided that this week is "National Irritate a Food Pic Hater Food Pic Posting Week" or NIAFPHFPPW for short.

To copy from her (You can't sue me Laura since I used quotes!):

"If you have a blog, it is your civic duty as a blogger to post your irritating food pics all week long. Every. Day. Join in the fun! Piss off a hater! And while you’re at it, reply to your commenters in your comment section ’cause that pisses ‘em off too!"

I'm obviously going to join in all the fun. 

Here's today's food picture:


I didn't cook this but it was yummy!
It's from a bar in Galena, Illinois.  It was my first taste of bone marrow and it rocked.  I'm going to make some at home one of these days.

Copying Laura again with some really good news:

"Yabu decided to have a food photo contest on his site in honor of NIAFPHFPPW and will be giving away a beautiful handmade stained glass piece that his wife makes! You don’t have to have a blog, you can email pics if you want AND you can enter as many times as you want! Go over there and leave your linkage or email your food pics and start pissing off a food pic hater today!"

So, I encourage anyone with a blog to join in the fun.  Or don't, since that will give me a better chance at some beautiful stained glass!!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

A window with a view!

Angry and I were at our favorite restaurant, hanging out at the bar like we always do.  We looked out a window and saw something we’ll call ummmm . . . “interesting.”

Let me explain to you that this place we go is on a very busy street.  It's right next to a car dealership and it has a bus stop right in front of it.  Needless to say, it’s not private.  If you are on the sidewalk or in the parking lot there are a lot of eyes that could be on you at any time.

Back to the window. . . 

We noticed a guy sitting on a railroad tie (part of the restaurant’s landscaping) and we assumed he was waiting for a bus.  Nothing strange or abnormal about that.  But Angry also noticed that there was a woman standing between his legs and facing him.  That struck us as a bit different.  As we were looking she proceeded to kneel down and put her head face into his lap.

Being shy (HA!), we immediately ran over to the window with our bartender to see what was going on.

Her head was bobbing up and down and he looked to be feeling pretty good.  We were watching a live porno!!  A blow job for all to see.  Oh crap, I just realized that between this and my midget porn blog I’m going to get a lot of hits from certain Google searches!

Anyway. . . Angry and I went back to our seats at the bar and we all joked that this was going on right out on a busy street in the DAYLIGHT.  No, they didn’t wait until it got dark.  Apparently the need for satisfaction has no time limits.  When the BJ was over they both stood up, he zipped his pants, and they walked away.  After a few minutes they came back and we watched him pull his wallet from his back pocket and hand her some cash.  We weren’t close enough to see what she was charging that day!

They stood there, together, for a few more minutes until a bus arrived.  Apparently the need for satisfaction revolves around a bus schedule.  Who knew? 

Then they both got on the same bus.  That must have been awkward!



Friday, August 24, 2012

I can see what you're doing!

Angry and I were at a baseball game last month.  We had great seats on the first base side of the ballpark that were in the shade and on the aisle.  We were at an angle so that we had to turn slightly to our left to see home plate.  Trust me, this fact will be important.  I let Angry sit on the aisle and I took the second seat in.

A guy sat in the seat to the left of me and immediately whipped out his phone.  He spent a lot of time texting during the game.  He had an old fashioned “flip phone” so it took him some time to type out all his texts (also an important fact!).

At one point, I looked away from home plate and towards this guy’s phone screen.  I noticed that he was in the midst of typing a text.  Since it was taking him so long, I watched and read along as he finished.

I’m sure you are wondering what it said.  Right?

“There are two fat people sitting next to me on the aisle.”

WHAT?  It’s no secret that Angry and I are chubby. We are working to change that but it’s still a fact.  However, we are not enormous and we fit nicely in our seats.  We didn't take up more room than allotted.  In fact, I never even touched this guy's arms or legs with mine!

I actually wasn’t all that mad about it.  I was more confused.  What I didn't understand was the necessity to text this to someone.  Was it that important?  Did he have a fat people phobia?  In case you were wondering, that's Cacomorphobia according to the interwebs (See, come here and  you'll get educated!).  What was so significant about these two fat people that he felt the need to text about us?

I did feel the need to make a snide remark about it.  So I said (quite loudly), “I may be fat but at least I’m not ugly.”

I’m not sure if he understood that I had read his text and that the comment was related to him.  I don’t care.  He WAS ugly.  But I didn't text anyone about it!



Friday, August 17, 2012

What'd you say?

We were out to dinner with a group of friends recently.  At a large table, it’s sometimes hard to hear all the different conversations that are happening all at once.

I was chatting with one girlfriend and when I paused I heard another say, “Men don’t like it when you call their vegetables cute.”

She did explain what she meant but I won’t tell you.  

Just go ahead and giggle about it.  I still do!!


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign . . .

I was at a hospital lab the other day to get a blood draw and give a piss urine sample.

I let them suck about 100 tubes of blood (OK, it was only three but my phlebotomist wasn't very gentle).

Why yes, this was the actual syringe she used!

Then I was off to the bathroom to pee in a teeny tiny cup.

I picked a stall, went in, and closed the door.  Here's what greeted me behind that door:

I did use my cell phone camera in the bathroom but I did it BEFORE I peed!

WHAT?

Do people actually flush things like pens, cell phones, and pagers?  And someone had to add keys and shoes to the sign?  Shoes?  I could "maybe" see the other items.  Maybe . . .but only if you had them in your pocket and dropped them into the toilet by accident while pulling your pants up or down.  Maybe. 

Now, I did have my cell phone out in the stall to take that picture for bloggy goodness but I can guarantee you that I was not going to drop it into the bowl.  My hand was like a vise grip on that phone.  If I HAD, I wouldn't have left it there!  While it'd be gross to pick it out, it's my pee (unless, as the first line suggests, someone else didn't flush) and I can wash my hands when I'm done.  I'd put the cell phone in a wad of paper towels to get it home and figure out how to get it replaced.  Flush it?  No way in hell!  How does that saying go?  It's like fitting a round peg in a square hole?  Even if I didn't want that cell phone back, it's not going to fit through that hole and down the pipe.  Common sense people. 

The shoes perplex me.  How on earth would shoe get into a toilet bowl?  My mind was racing with scenarios that would cause that to happen.  Was someone standing on the seat?  Was someone doing a leg kick like a Rockette with a loose shoe?  How DOES a shoe get into a toilet bowl? 

If by some strange twist of fate a shoe did land in there, why would anyone flush that sucker?  Did they go in with two shoes and leave with one?  Did they toss the odd shoe and go barefoot?  I'm going to wonder about this for a long time.



Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Does that movie get a thumbs up or down?

A few years ago, Angry worked for a sub-contractor to Time Warner Cable.  He was the warehouse guy who took care of handing out equipment to the techs that installed at peoples’ homes.

If someone was fired, he would collect equipment from their truck to inventory and return to the warehouse.

A supervisor for the technicians was fired one afternoon and Angry went to work on his truck.  As he cleaned out and inventoried stuff, he discovered something that was not a regulation piece of equipment.  Tucked under the driver’s seat was an X-rated DVD.  Angry would normally just toss something like that in the trash but this one was a bit unusual.

It was MIDGET PORN.  And yes, while midget may not be the PC way to say “small people” those were the words on the cover.  MIDGET PORN.  I realize that if you are a vertically challenged person this may be a type of porn you'd like to watch.  Angry's company did not employ any small people so this seemed to be a fetish of some sort.  If it wasn't a fetish, the supervisor shouldn't have left his DVD behind for everyone to assume it was!

Instead of tossing it out, Angry brought the DVD to his supervisor.  He wanted everyone in the office to see it and discuss make fun of the guy who was “into” that.  Everyone giggled like school girls for a few minutes and went back to work.

A week or so later, one of the techs said he had heard a rumor about the DVD and wanted to see if it was real.  It had quickly become a legend!  When they went to find it in the office, it was gone.  Angry knew it wasn't thrown out because he emptied the garbage cans for the office every night before he left work.  That DVD was never in there.

It seems that someone else had a midget porn fetish and the DVD went to a good home.  I hope that they had an understanding like-minded wife or girlfriend and the movie (and whoopee time after) was enjoyed!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Totally distracting!

Let me tell you a another story about my friend Judy (A.K.A. Pancake Judy).

I’ve already told you how we met in 9th grade and I hope she forgives me for telling you this.

Judy is very lucky and has beautiful, naturally curly hair.  Most women would pay a lot of money to have hair like hers.

When I met her, she wore her hair just like Roseanne Rosannadanna.  You remember that character from Saturday Night Live don’t you?  She was played by Gilda Radner and had hair that looked like a triangle.  Or, maybe it was a trapezoid?  Go ahead and Google that; I had to.  I'm not sure which but I felt like it was a triangle so that's the story I'm sticking to.

Maybe Judy just didn’t know how to handle that great hair as a young lady.  Every day she’d put a barrette on each side of her head and mash that section down.  Every. Single. Day.  The result was a perfect triangle of hair.  When I sat behind her in 9th grade English, I was very distracted by this.  I’d wonder how it got into that triangle shape and stayed there.  It was hard to concentrate on class with that thought racing through my head.

Not really Judy but you can see how distracting this hair would be. Right?

I asked begged her to let me see her without the barrettes.  She refused.  I continued to beg; she refused.  This scene played over and over.  I wondered and wondered how that hair would look once it sprung from those damn barrettes!  A circle?  A square?  A parallelogram? 

One day she got her haircut and let those curls loose.  She’s had the most beautiful, non-triangular hair ever since.

Now that I look back, I wonder why I never got to see that hair without those barrettes.  What DID it look like?  It still haunts me.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Bum Fight?!

Angry and I were in Seattle a couple of weeks ago for my Step-Brother’s wedding.  We decided to stay a few extra days and do all the touristy things.

We stayed in a hotel quite far from the major tourist areas but they ran a shuttle for their guests to get to those areas.  You’d call them when you were ready to be picked up and they’d come get you too.  It was a great system and we took advantage of it.

If you are hanging around the Pike Place Market / Waterfront area after 10 pm, the bars and restaurants close and you are stuck with nothing to do.  While there are still a few people walking around taking pictures and checking things out, it’s pretty deserted.

We were spending a day around the Waterfront area doing the typical tourist things like taking pictures, visiting the sites, and shopping for cheap t-shirts and souvenir junk.  We hit a few restaurants along the way for GREAT seafood and when everything closed at 10 pm we headed back to Pike Place Market and made our call to get picked up by the hotel shuttle.

While waiting for the shuttle, I saw something I’d never seen before.  Never.

Two homeless people beggars bums (IS there a PC way to say this?) were pushing and shoving each other.  A short argument went like this (yes, I took notes on my phone for bloggy goodness):

BUM ONE:  You better get the hell out of my territory! You ain't movin' in on my territory!

BUM TWO:  Stop yelling; you’re intimidating all the white people.

What?  Did I hear that right?  Angry confirmed that yes indeed, I had heard that correctly.  Bums have territories!  And oh, they didn't want to intimidate the white people.

As two of only a few (nearby) white people, we weren’t worried.  A bit confused maybe but not intimidated.  We figured they’d take each other out before they got close enough to us to do any harm.

We missed the rest of the fight as our shuttle arrived.

I’ll have to assume that all the frightened white people ran for their lives and the territory issue was eventually resolved!!
 


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

What's the meaning of life?

Whoops, that’s not what I wanted to ask!  Let’s start over. . . 

I’ve been taking note of personalized license plates I’ve seen on the road or in parking lots.  Some are easy to figure out.  Others, not so much.  Some I just can’t wrap my brain around.

Since most of my readers don’t comment, here’s your chance to break the ice!!

I’ve seen these while traveling around Wisconsin and I’m curious what some of them mean.  If you have a guess, let me know.  It may ease my puzzled mind.  Please also take a stab at those I assume I understand.  Maybe I don’t.

EVLWMN – Obviously an evil woman.  This should be MY plate.  I qualify for that (according to Angry anyway).

BLUEMOO – This was on a blue car so I assumed, since there are no blue cows, that the car color was the reference.

I lied; here's a blue cow! 

MAX N SAM – Two lovebirds?  Or, is there some brand of something I'm missing here (like Sam and Libby shoes)?

JACKERS – This car had a dog paw sticker so I thought that maybe they own a Jack Russell?

I PAMELA – Must be someone named Pam.

4GRANA – I immediately thought this was “grandma’s” car.  But, it wasn’t a typical grandma type car (if there is such a thing).  This plate was on a great big pickup truck (like a Ford F-250).

This is one big-ass truck. Would your granny drive this?

PRINT 4U – Maybe this person owns a printing company?

CNTRY RA – I’m perplexed.  Help me out here!  I assume country is the first word. . . 

CHIPSCXR – I’m stuck on this one as well.  Chips?  Chip?

ABETH – Another name plate; Beth would be the owner.

2BE GR8 – That’s easy.  Now, is the person trying to be great or is this person a narcissist?

D DAY VET – I salute this person!  Thank you for your service.  This plate was seen at a spa so I hope they had the best manicure, pedicure, massage, or haircut that they’ve ever had!

BLKCAT3 – Three black cats?  Or, maybe this plate because the car was black.

SHARK I – Shark Eye?  Either someone with great eyesight or a loan shark.  Hmmm. . . 

TEE TIME – Either a golfer or someone that works at a golf course. 

CLENCAR – Is this care perpetually clean or does this driver WISH it was?

HAIRDOO – A great plate for a hairdresser!!

KAZ R2 – Well, I can’t even get one idea from this one.  What's a Kaz?  Is that R2 as in D2?

PRETTY – I have to tell you about this driver. . . I was in line to have my car emission tested and this guy was in front of me in line.  I could see that he was “older” with grey hair (he looked to be in his mid to late 60s).  He got out of his car to look for something in his trunk.  He was sporting a mullet (balding on top as well) and was wearing a purple and yellow t-shirt.  I assume he thought he looked wanted to look pretty.

A similar mullet but he had less hair on top!

WLDLF RN – To me, a Wildlife RN would be a vet or a vet tech.

NOMAMES – Wow, I’m lost on this one!  Mames?  No mames?  Did they misspell Ma’am?

MRBUBLS – This was on a Cadillac Escalade.  Does the person like bubble baths?  Or maybe champagne?  Or, does he/she own a laundromat and that paid for one hell of an expensive car?

“He’ll bubble your nose and bubble your chin.
It’s so much fun when you hop in, with Mr. Bubble!”

Come on and chime in to let me know what you think!!  I'd love to hear your thoughts on any of these.



Thursday, June 14, 2012

How did you guys meet?

When Angry and I are out and about, people occasionally ask us that.

That’s not the story I’m going to tell you though.

My friend Judy (of pancake fame) and I have known each other for 30 years.   We obviously met before we were born since we are both only 29!!  Well, maybe not. . . but that's not the point. 

Judy attended a Catholic grade school and junior high while I was at a public school for those years.  She graduated 8th grade and moved over to the public high school I was attending.

I was in an English class in 9th grade without any of my friends from junior high.  My teacher announced that we were going to do an assignment that required us to pick a partner.  Everyone else grabbed their friends and there I sat without a partner.  The person sitting directly in front of me didn’t have a partner either so I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if she’d like to work with me.  She was sort of stuck with me at that point so she said "sure."

The project consisted of us being videotaped doing something akin to a TV news interview.  We were to learn how to ask valid questions and give valid answers.  And, we had to learn how to handle speaking in front of a camera.

Each pair had to come up with a scenario of who was interviewing who and why.  Judy was the interviewer and picked Betty Babtrock as her character’s name.  I was Cecile Cameal, the interviewee.  I was being interviewed because I was going to teach Pygmies in Africa how to play flute.  Yes, you read that right.  Pygmies. Playing. Flute.  Now, we both actually played flute but who comes up with that Pygmy shit?  We did for some reason!

I, unfortunately, can’t recall what grade we got on our project but I’ll tell you it was an A.

I can also tell you that to this day, 30 years later, we still call each other Cecile and Betty!

Those memories of a great, lifelong friend can’t be beat.

But wait!  I've got another funny story about her to tell you soon.  She may not be happy with me after that but I need to share.


Thursday, May 31, 2012

A crazed turtle!

Angry has had a 55 gallon fish tank since he was a teenager.  When we got married, it came along with him.  Many years ago, we got bored with fish so we cleaned it out and bought a turtle.  He was a red-eared slider (or Chrysemys scripta elegans for you science geeks) that we named Harold.

Not really Harold but if you've seen one red-eared slider, you seen them all!

We got all the appropriate junk to put into the tank so that he’d be a happy turtle.  Harold had water to swim in, a branch to climb on, a platform to bask on, and plants to hide behind.  We were told at the aquatic store to take him outside and let him roam in the grass to allow his shell to dry out completely once and a while.  He seemed to enjoy these excursions but was usually a little agitated when we put him back into the tank.

Angry, Harold, and I were living in harmony and then BAM!  We had an incident.

Angry’s sister (we’ll call her D) came over for a visit and wanted to “hold” Harold.  Who holds a turtle?  He’s not a puppy or a kitten!

We told D that he had just been outside and was agitated so picking him up wasn’t such a great idea.

She stuck her hand in the tank and grabbed him anyway.  But, she reached towards him from the front and he bit her finger! 

The correct way to hold your turtle from the back; avoid that beak at all costs!

He clamped down and wouldn’t let go.  Panic ensued.  Angry finally got Harold to let go by blowing into his face.

Harold, who was renamed Killer at this point (trust me, turtles don't know their names so it didn't matter that we changed it), was blood thirsty after that.  He became a turtle vampire.  Every time we tried to pick him up, he’d stretch his neck and snap like a middle aged woman snapping up the “mommy porn” book, Fifty Shades of Grey.

Killer didn’t stay with us long after that.  Our aquatic store would buy back fish and turtles so we sold him back to them.  I didn't want to live life being viewed as lunch.

Red-eared sliders have a life expectancy of 50 to 70 years.  I’m sure Killer is still hanging around, biting the hand that feeds him.


Thursday, May 24, 2012

I've got a tip for you!

When I was a kid my Mom and Dad, my Aunt and Uncle, my three cousins, and I would go to Arlington Park horse race track in Illinois for a Saturday of fun.  We went a couple of times each summer for many years.

My Dad would always give me a few dollars and let me choose some horses to bet on.  As a kid I was not a handicapper (obviously!) and would pick horses by their names.  I loved anything that had to do with food, dancing, colors etc.  My Dad would put $2 to Show (the horse could come in 1st, 2nd, or 3rd and you’d win something) and I’d cheer my heart out for “my” horse!  I did occasionally win a few dollars and my Dad let me keep it.  At the time I thought I was RICH!

My Mom and Dad as well as my Aunt and Uncle were not handicappers either.  They were there for fun but tried to pretend they knew how to bet on the “best” horse(s) for each race.  They would even try some fancy schmancy (called “exotic” at the race track) bets like a Trifecta, a Pick 6, or a Box.  No one went home a millionaire but we had a lot of fun.

On one trip we were reading the sheets and trying to pick some horses by name, by number, or by color.  You know, scientifically.  My Dad spotted a horse named Pot Roast Billy.  Everyone, including us kids, thought this was a great name and we all wanted to bet on this horse.  The adults placed the bets and we anxiously awaited the start of the race.

The gates opened and the horses started their run!  Go Pot Roast Billy!  Go!!!

Pot Roast Billy wasn’t in the mood to race that day.  He basically walked out of the gate and strolled along the race course like he was taking in the sites.  What's that over there?  A flower?  Some grass?  He finished dead last, several minutes behind the rest of the field.  I can still hear the announcer to this day, "And bringing up the rear (loooong pause) we have Pot Roast Billy."

We suddenly realized that Pot Roast was probably not a good name for an animal that could actually become a pot roast in certain countries.  Bad betting idea.

To this day, if anyone asks me for any sort of tip about anything (from my favorite running shoes to my favorite brand of cereal) I always say, “I’ve got a tip for you.  Don’t bet on Pot Roast Billy.”  No one gets it but it makes me laugh!

While our favorite horse that day disappointed us, he may have gone on the greatness (or gone on to become a pot roast).

But if anyone asks you:  DON’T. Bet. On. Pot. Roast. Billy.


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

That's what I hired YOU for!

As my man, Angry has a list of duties that are his and his alone.


ü    He is in charge of filling my car with gas.  Men love cars.  Cars need gas.  MY car needs gas.

ü    He is in charge of lawn care.  When I was in college, the city I lived in allowed you to work for them for two summers.  I was in the “Lawn and Garden” Department one of my years.  I mowed grass (using both riding and push mowers) five days a week, eight hours a day for three months.  That was enough grass cutting for my lifetime.  I will never, ever cut grass again as long as I live.  If Angry quits, I will just live with that ensuing jungle.

ü    He is in charge of snow removal.  I hate cold and snow (and exercise in general).  That’s all he (and you) needs to know.

ü    He is in charge of making lunches.  I cook dinner.  I do all the dishes that can’t go into the dishwasher (a job that I hate despise).  His comparable job is to make our “brown bag” lunches for work.  I think he got the easier job (and, I want a raise!).

ü    He is in charge of taking the garbage out.  This is a man’s job.  Women should not have to deal with disgusting bags of garbage.  My rules only, but he has to follow them (so says me).

ü    He is in charge of carrying any heavy bags.  This means grocery bags as well as shopping bags at the mall.  I drag him with me to the mall just so he can handle the bags of shoes I accumulate.  Men are strong; they should carry the heavy stuff even if it’s my shoes.

ü    He is in charge of matching his own socks.  I do all the laundry.  I fold everything.  He can putz with putting together all the totally similar white socks that he wears.  Problem is, he tends to keep the ones with holes in them.  I need to re-train him to throw those away!

I married hired him almost 21 years ago.  This information is all on that license contract he signed!  You know, till death do us part.