Wednesday, July 27, 2011

It's time for the State Fair!!

Wisconsin has a really great State Fair and it’s right in my backyard.  No, not literally; it's a few minutes’ drive from my house.

This year, I'm going with my BFF, Weezy (not her real name, but that’s what I’ve called her for 26 years).  We are going on opening day which is next week! 

I know that State Fairs all over the country have foods on a stick and strange crazy adventurous foods.  We are going to eat like pigs!!  The plan is to buy one of everything we want to try and share it.  That way, we get to try more (and maybe get a little less fat).  The Fair’s website has a “Healthy Options” link in the food section.  OH. HELL. NO.

Here’s some of the stuff I’m planning to try.  Enjoy my list and don’t get too hungry (or jealous): 

Food On a Stick:

Cheddar Cheese – It’s Wisconsin people, cheese is our bidness.  We LOVE cheese and will eat this out of principle.  And any other cheese on a stick we can find.  Actually, any other cheese.

Country Fried Bacon with Country Gravy – Bacon calls to me.  It makes other food better.  This will be in my tummy.  Breakfast maybe?

Chocolate Covered Bacon – This was big at a lot of fairs last year.  I wasn’t at the fair last year.  I’m a day late and a dollar short but I’m trying it anyway.  Since everyone else ate some last year, I won’t have to wait in line.

Deep Fried Bacon Wrapped Hot Dog – Everything’s better with bacon.  Even lips and assholes.

Deep Fried PB&J – What’s not too like?  Peanut butter rocks.  Anything deep fried rocks.  Mix them together and you have bigger rocks a winner!  Plus, it’s on a stick.  Less mess or more mess?

Elvis (Deep Fried Peanut Butter Cup in Banana Batter) – Thank god they aren’t cooking the real Elvis.  That’s gross.  But this item sounds like pure heaven to me.

Macaroni & Cheese – On a stick?  I have to get this just to see how the hell they accomplish this feat.

Scallops – Weezy won’t eat seafood so this one’s all for me.  I’m eating it because I love scallops.  Yum.

Tropical Fruit Tempura (banana, mango and pineapple with powdered sugar and carmel, chocolate, or strawberry sauce) – I love good for you fruit covered in stuff that’s bad for you so I’m getting it.  Plus, it wins the award for item with the longest title.

Spaghetti & Meatballs – On a stick?  Again with the pasta on a stick?  I’m not a fan of this dish on a plate but we may have to try it to see how messy it is.

Cream Cheese with Bacon – Well, we’ve combined cheese and bacon.  What’s not to like?

Breaded Deep Fried Oysters – I’m on my own again.  Oysters are definitely a no-go for Weezy.  I love the little sonsabitches though so I’m getting some!

“Crazy” Food Not On a Stick:

Deep Fried Beer – I love beer and I gotta see how they do this.  So, why not?

Deep Fried Butter – Oh hell yes!!  I’ve read that this is more like a biscuit filled with butter.  Still gonna be great!

Chocolate Covered Fritos – This one, I’m a little unsure about.  I love a sweet and salty mix but Fritos are not the same as a pretzel.  I’m probably gonna try it anyway, just to say I did.

Bacon Sundae (vanilla ice cream, pancake syrup, and real bacon bits) – Another food item made better by bacon.  I may not share this one with Weezy!!

Needless to say, they are many, many more choices than these.  This stuff sounds different and cool.  I’ll be the cool kid on the block if I eat this stuff, right?  We’ll see if I explode by the end of the day.  We plan to arrive when they open at 8 am.  The fair closes at 11 pm.  That is a whole lotta eatin’ time.

But we aren’t going JUST to eat. 

There will be shopping.  As their website states, “It’s like an infomercial came to life.”  I wonder what “As Seen on TV” item will be the hot seller this year?  What will I get suckered into buying?

Then there are the animals.  Weezy’s a farm kid and she now has a “hobby” farm.  That means she’s still a farm kid.  We’ll be perusing the cattle barn, the swine barn, the sheep barn, and most importantly, the chickens.  She wants to see all the chickens. 

We’ll have a busy day.  We’ll eat too much.  We’ll probably get sunburned.  We might get blisters.  We’ll buy some junk.  We’ll have a great time.

I can’t wait!!

PS - Edited so that I can point you to the reason that I won't be spending any time at the Midway riding crazy rides. 

Friday, July 22, 2011

That was some shitty driving!

Yesterday, I was driving behind what may have been the most idiotic person ever.
We were on the freeway where the speed limit is 50 MPH.  We were also in a construction zone which meant I couldn’t pass the asshat.
First of all, he was driving 35 MPH.  Since we were moving so slowly, I had plenty of time to take in the scenery.  I decided to watch him instead.  I noticed that he was holding a cell phone up to his right ear.  One less hand on the steering wheel. 
Suddenly, his left hand was hangin' out the window!  TWO less hand on the steering wheel.  How WAS he steering? 
Then, he slammed on his brakes.  SLAMMED.  He came to a complete stop.  On. The. Freeway.  Since there was no one in front of him, he apparently did this for no good reason.  Maybe he was having some trouble steering? 
Next, he took off like a meteor racing through the sky.  I’d guess he was going at least 65 (sill in the 50 MPH zone right smack in the middle of construction).  Hmmm . . . Maybe the foot he was possibly using to steer slipped off the wheel and onto the gas pedal?
When we finally hit a point where I could pass him, he started swerving in and out of his lane.  I didn’t see the hand hanging out the window anymore but he was still chatting it up on the cell phone.  Distracted, one-handed driving is always a great idea.  No?
Let’s see. . . driving WAY under the speed limit; driving way OVER the speed limit; driving with one hand; driving with NO hands; chitchatting on a cell phone; veering all over the road.  I think he covered the most reckless maneuvers available to drivers.
I’m glad I got away without getting into an accident.  Or maybe not; I would have loved to give this guy a piece of my mind and my foot up his ass. 

Thursday, July 21, 2011

What's going on over there?

The other day, I was using a stall in a ladies room.  I will not mention where I was – it could have been a bar, a restaurant, or work – as I don’t want to incriminate anyone.  I was getting ready to finish up (flush and head to the sink) when a woman entered the stall next to mine.
She proceeded to make some noises in her stall.  It started with an “Aaaaah.”  I can maybe understand that one.  I’ve waited too long to pee many times and that relief is awesome.  But, I will only make a comment if I’m at home and Angry’s near the bathroom.  I usually say something like, “Man, I really had to go! Glad I didn’t pee my pants.”
She then continued with more. “Hmmm, uuuuh, ooooh” were some of the sounds I heard.
This went on while I washed my hands (loud enough for me to hear over the flushing toilet and the running water).
The sounds noises moans didn’t sound like she was in distress.  They also didn’t sound quite like fun an orgasm.  I wasn’t sure what to make of it but I didn’t hang around to ask!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

IS it unhealthy?

I have an unhealthy obsession.  But what defines "unhealthy?"  Maybe it's just an obsession.
I’m madly  in love with in lust with Mike Rowe.  You know, the Dirty Jobs guy?
He’s totally sexy (man oh man).  He has a great voice (he was an opera singer for heaven’s sake).  He wears his jeans (Lee) perfectly.  He's an animal lover.  I could go on and on.

The calf is ALMOST at cute as Mike (almost).
I realize that I have a lot of competition.  I've seen many blogs and articles here on the interwebs stating how "hunky," "sexy," "dreamy," and "hot" he is.  That's OK.  Mike and I are on a first name basis because I've had some really nice dreams about him.

What's that Mike? You'll meet me in the bedroom? I'll be right there!
His Discovery Channel bio states that he’s “single (but taken).”  As long as he’s not married, it's game on.  He’s just a bit older than me which is good because I’m usually goo-goo-gaa-gaa over some young baseball player who’s almost young enough to be my kid.
Angry knows all about this as I don’t keep these thoughts to myself.  We watch Dirty Jobs and the dirtier Mike gets, the more I like him.  I’m usually making comments like, “Oh wow, he looks yummy.” or  “They should show how he cleans up after the job.”   

Yummy! Dirt never looked so good.

Angry said that if I could  trick Mike into persuade Mike to marry me, he'd give me a divorce.  On one condition though; I'd have to pass some of Mike’s money on to him.  HA!  I’m not quite sure how that’d work but I’ll think about it.
I know that my chances to land him are slim to none (actually just plain "none").  I believe it’s called unrequited love lust.  But a girl can dream can’t she?

Oh hell yeah, I'd pick that hitchhiker up!
I’m thinking of buying a Ford.  Maybe he can come to my house to film a commercial.  Hmmm. . . 

Monday, July 11, 2011


Let's talk about Tattoos.

Years ago, only gang members, bad ass bikers (those you supposed to be afraid of, like The Outlaws), or those that had done time in jail got tattoos.  If you had a tattoo you were one of these people, no questions asked. 

Unless you were in the Military.  That's one group that has always had tattoos but weren’t looked down upon or considered dangerous.  I think they’ve always been “allowed” to have tattoos.  As it should be!

Now a days, tattoos are mainstream.  Is there anyone, anymore that doesn't have a tattoo?  Well yes, actually there are.  But, do people who don’t have a tat still look down on those that do?  I'm sure there are still some people out there that do "frown" upon tattoos but the majority don't seem to anymore.  There are even TV shows about tattoos on The Learning Channel.  The Learning Channel!!

I understand that some people do not want to have a permanent "picture" on their body.  I know that people worry about what it will look like when they get old.  Some people aren't even sure what they'd want to get.  Those are all great reasons to NOT get a tattoo.  I'd rather not hear a person's story about how much they hate their "stupid tattoo" and how they wish they had never gotten it.

I love tattoos (unless they are gang signs).  I love to see them.  I love to hear peoples' stories behind them.  I love to hear where they got them and when.

Angry and I each have three tattoos.  We got our first so long ago that I can't remember when it was!  I think it was 1997ish but who knows?  We got the second the following year.  We got our third this September.

It's been said that once you get a tatt, they are addictive.  I can concur.  Damn right!  I'm always thinking about what to get next and where to put it. I actually have a plan for another one but am looking for a good portrait artist and need to save some money.  These things ain't cheap!

Our stories go like this:

Tattoo #1 for Angry is a bald eagle and wolf set up like yin and yang on his shoulder.  These are two things that he really appreciates and respects (they are strong and beautiful at the same time).  It's an awesome tattoo and looks like a painting.

This tattoo ROCKS!

Tattoo #1 for me is a cute version of Tigger on my upper thigh.  Memories of my childhood laced with Winnie the Pooh triggered this tatt.  Tigger is my favorite character and just seeing him makes me happy.  I have not taken great care of him so his beautiful orange color has faded a lot.  I’ll be getting him touched up soon (hopefully).

Tigger is terrific!

Tattoo #2 for Angry is an arm band (like the barbed wire ones you see all the time).  But, his is made up of a killer whale, a great white shark, and a dolphin (repeated 2 times).  He thinks these guys kick ass.  He's thinking of having that arm done in a half sleeve of all sea creatures.  That would be cool.

I'm gonna eat you!

We're not as deadly but we're just as cool!

Tattoo #2 for me is an outline of a cat on my ankle.  It's simple and small but it shows my love for cats.  God forbid I turn into "The Cat Lady" when I'm old and feeble!!

I love cats (and I wish I was really that tan!).

Tattoo #3 for both of us is a pink breast cancer ribbon.  Angry's Sister is a survivor and my Step-Mom passed away from breast cancer this October.  We got these tattoos before she died so that she could see them.  She loved them which made us happier than I thought it ever could.  We got them on our forearms (my left, his right) so that they would show all the time.  This tattoo is my favorite and I am very proud to have it.

Angry's version.

My version.

I do wish these pictures showed the true colors and beauty of these tatts (especially the pink ones).  I was lazy and used my cell phone camera.  They are so much better in person!  Trust me on that.

Tattoos do involve some pain and suffering.  I hear people say that is what makes them special.  You “suffer” but you have something beautiful to enjoy forever.  You need to take very good care of them during the healing process.  You need to take care of them throughout life so they stay gorgeous.

Is it worth it?  You bet!