Out of curiosity. . . .

Is there anyone out there that still uses one of these?

The "world famous" orange peeler. Obtained at a Tupperware party I'm sure.

I have a couple of these things but haven't used one in a long time.  Angry and I got some oranges that are basically impossible to peel so I thought I'd dig one out and try it again.

I loved it!  What you see in the picture took me less than minute to accomplish.  The other two pieces of peel were off after I took the photo and I ate my orange in peace.  No struggling, no squirting juice in my eye, and no "fuck this, I give up" rants.

Technology. . . not always related to electronic gadgets!

Shopping for "unmentionables."

I was browsing on eBay for some Gossamer items today.

No, not the material.  The monster.

As in:


"My, I bet you monsters lead interesting lives."


He's the red monster from Warner Brothers and appears in a couple of cartoons with Bugs Bunny.  I love this guy.  I've named a cat after him and have collected Gossamer stuff for many years.

Anyway, I typed "Gossamer" in the search box and many, many pairs of underwear came up in my list of items.  There were thongs, boy shorts, bikinis, and hi-cut panties to choose from.  You name a color; I think it was on there.

Now, who buys (or sells for that matter) underwear on eBay?  I did not see any of the descriptions stating "new."  This just doesn't seem right.  Almost sort of naughty or even nasty in a way. 

To each his own but I'll shop at a local store to get my unmentionables.  It just feels a bit safer that way.

What's that smell?

I think I've told you that I work in a 'high rise' building (33 floors is as good as it gets though).  The building has many employees of its own.  There are security people, cleaning people, maintenance people . . . you get the idea.

There is one guy that has worked here for a long time.  I see him in the parking garage and those elevators all the time.

He works very hard doing menial tasks.  He sweeps up the garbage (even stuff like this) in the parking structure.  He empties garbage cans.  He wipes the door handles (waxing them so they shine pretty) and other miscellaneous things.  He does a good job.  When he's on duty, things are clean and tidy.

He has a terrible body odor.  It's so bad that you have to hold your breath if you are riding in an elevator with him.  If he's been in and out of an elevator, you can smell the BO for quite a long time afterwards.

I worry about him a bit.  He's quite large.  I'd guess around 300 pounds.  He never speaks, smiles, or even nods a hello.  I wonder if he has a mental disability and just doesn't bathe as he should.  Or does he have a physical ailment that makes him smell so bad?  Maybe it's something related to his body size?  I hope he's OK.  If I'd see him smile once and a while I'd probably feel better.

Now, I've been in elevators with people that wear too much perfume or aftershave.  His body odor isn't really any different that that.  I have to hold my breath with them too!

Pay attention!

I took a walk Downtown the other day to meet a friend for lunch.

It was 60 degrees, sunny, and breezy.

I looked around and paid attention to what I saw:

Men and women in business suits (both skirts and pants for the women) with a variety of shoes.  Most of the men were wearing their dress shoes but some had on tennis shoes.  The women’s choices ranged from tennis shoes to low heeled sandals and pumps to super high heels that made me wonder how they could even walk in them.

Damn, these are adorable but how do you walk in them?

Lots of women and men wearing shorts and t-shirts as they were heading to Gold’s Gym.  Some went as far as wearing tank tops.  They must have been chilled a bit, especially on the shady side of the street.

A teenager in short shorts, a teeny tiny tank top, and flip flops.  I’m not sure where she was heading.

An older gentleman in a parka and winter hat.  He looked like he was cold even in that attire.

A group of kids getting off a school bus in front of the local theatre to see a play.  Most were wearing typical kid (5^th or 6^th grader) clothes which consisted of jeans and t-shirts or sweatshirts.  They were having fun goofing around.

Men and women wearing khakis and dress shirts.  Most of them had on light spring jackets since they didn’t have a suit coat to keep the wind off their arms.

No one posed for a picutre. I had to borrow one from the Interwebs.

A group of about 8 or 10 people walking together all carrying birthday presents in pretty wrapping paper and bags.  One gal was holding a "Happy Birthday" balloon which was blowing around in the breeze!

You must pretend the blowing wind is making this balloon crooked!  Work with me here.

A homeless man in a t-shirt and sweatpants who was asking everyone for their spare change.  I didn’t see anyone give him any.

There was a mix of people wearing sunglasses and those that weren’t.  Those that weren’t were squinting and probably wished they had worn theirs.

I saw several baseball caps and even a beret.

The beret wearer I saw was a little more lively than this!

Several people were carrying bags from local fast food places and restaurants back to their offices.  It was fun to see what everyone was having for their lunch.


I loved the diversity and mixture of things that I saw.  To each his own!  I hope everyone enjoyed their workouts, their play, their time away from their offices, their birthday party, and their lunches!

Bah humbug!

Can I say that for Valentine's Day?

This is not a "holiday" that we observe.  It's a day of love but shouldn't every day be about love?  I love Angry and he loves me.  Do we need to honor that more today?  I think not.  Our plans include going to the gym tonight after work and having tacos for dinner after that (to use up some leftover hamburger).  Good enough.

According the the History Channel website:

"The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death."

Wow!  That's a sad story.  Sort of a bummer for today.

They also say:

"Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first "valentine" greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl--possibly his jailor's daughter--who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed "From your Valentine," an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and--most importantly--romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France."

That one's at least a little sweet to read.  A love story.

If you are interested and want to read more, visit their site.

That same site also says that "approximately 150 million Valentine's Day cards are exchanged annually."  Not in my house.

For those of you that do celebrate, Happy Valentine's Day to you!  I hope that you and your love have a great day.  And for my female readers, I hope you get some nice jewelry today. 

For those like us who don't really care, have a beer or something when you get home from work!!

How much for the hooker? For a week?

I want to share a story from our vacation in Mexico.

To set the scene:  The resort we stay in has a bar on the beach.  It’s actually a large round bar sitting on a huge slab of decorated concrete with tables circling the outside of the bar.

We were sitting at a table one evening, enjoying some beer, tequila, and the sunset.

I looked over to the bar and noticed two women girls, in their early 20s at the very oldest, who were not dressed appropriately for the beach/resort/bar.

Everyone else was wearing and assortment of shorts, t-shirts, tank tops, and swim suits.  These gals were wearing skirts so short that I could see butt cheeks; tops so small that I could see nipples popping out; and shoes that were true “fuck me” heels.  They were so high that I suffered vertigo just looking at them.

These girls were not alone.  They were accompanied by two men who appeared to be in their late 50s or early 60s.  These men were not “ugly” but they were not enjoyable to look at (not like Mike Rowe!).

The couples moved to a table and I noticed that one of the men’s hands was “roaming” over his partner’s butt and boobs.  Roaming and grabbing, grabbing and roaming.  That hand had a wedding ring on it.

“Hmmmm. . .  I don’t think that’s his wife.” I said to Angry.  Someone tried to take a picture of the two couples and he shouted, in a panic, “No pictures!  No pictures!”  My thought had been validated.

They spent the evening at the table feeling each other up until they left.  We assumed they went to their rooms for more than roaming and grabbing.

The next evening, they were at one of the tables at the bar again.  One of the young women lit a cigarette; her partner (he was without a wedding ring) pushed the ashtray across the table, gave her a very nasty look, and turned his face away from her and the smoke.  She quickly put out the cigarette and popped a piece of gum into her mouth.  Next thing I know they are facing each other sticking their tongues straight out and touching the tips together while “wagging” them.  GROSS!  GROSS!!  This is NOT what I wanted to see while trying to enjoy a beautiful sunset.

During the rest of our trip, every time we saw them at the outdoor restaurant the men had their hands all over these girls.  All. Over.  They were constantly french kissing.  It was worse than two teenagers in a mall parking lot.

In the swimming pool?  God only knows what was going on under the water (they stayed in one corner the entire day).  Angry commented that he would stay far away from that section of the pool.  He assumed it might be “gross" over there.  Needless to say, the bikinis that the girls wore were non-existent.  A strip of Christmas ribbon would have covered more real estate.

I’m not sure how much these gals cost for the week.  But from what I witnessed in public areas of the resort (I do not want to think about what happened in private), the men got their money’s worth!

What's a Wazoo?

As I’ve told you before, I had the pleasure of living with my Grandma while I was growing up (here’s how she saved my life, sort of).

She was a Polish woman who cooked like magic and could tell stories that made you laugh so hard you would pee your pants.  She also had some interesting “sayings” and used some different unusual words.

Here are some of the things she’d say:

“That drives me up the wazoo.” – I’m not really sure what the hell a wazoo is but there are a lot of things that drive ME up the wazoo now a days.

“We’re off, like a herd of turtles.” – She always said this when we were getting ready to head to a store or a mall.  It was usually me, my Mom, and her going but sometimes we’d have an Aunt or two tag along for the ride.  I assume she meant that we were a pack of slow moving shoppers.  These are the kind of people that I hate to get stuck behind in the aisles.  We must have been annoying!

“You know what burns my ass?  A fire about this high.” – She’d hold her hand right next to her butt to show where that fire would burn.  I use this all the time.  I guess a lot of things burn my ass.

“Yell-o.” – That was how she answered the telephone.  It sounded like the color but with a hard accent on the “yell” part and a soft “o” sound.  I do not answer my phone that way as I think I’d confuse someone.  Of course, I text way more than I talk on the phone.  Maybe I should try it and see how it goes?

“Whatchamacallit” – This was a much-used word in her vocabulary.  Often several times in one sentence!  She used it for anything she couldn’t remember the name of.  Such as, “You know that whatchamacallit we saw in the store today?  I think it was on sale.”  Or, “I need one of those whatchamacallits that you use to fix glasses.”  This is used by enough other people that Microsoft’s spell check recognizes it.  I don’t tend you use this.  I’d rather say the “real” word which probably has less syllables.

“Dupa” – The Polish word for ass.  If she didn’t like you, she told you that you were a dupa.  In no uncertain terms.  I know a lot of dupas.  I like to call them that (sometimes to their face).  That way, I can say I speak Polish.

I'm reminded of her when I use these words and phrases.  She was a unique woman.  I wonder if she ever though those things would be sort of like a legacy?  Probably not, she was just speaking her mind.

I'm going to be RICH!

Or so my fortunes told me.

I love fortune cookies (I've mentioned this before) and had some for a treat at lunch today.

First I read, "New financial resources will soon become available to you." 

I thought, "Yeah, right."

Then I opened the second one and read, "You will inherit a large sum of money."

Whoopee!

I guess I better get busy responding to those e-mail from some foreign country telling me that someone needs to get large sums of money to the US and I'm the only one that can help.  I will get paid handsomely.

They promised!

Things that make me feel old.

I’m in my mid-40s.  I’m proud that I made it this far.  Since I’m in a happy place with my life, I’d like to make it at least as many more years.  I don’t consider myself old.  Old to me is when you are in your 90s.  When I hit that time in my life, I’ll think old is when you are 150.

Notwithstanding, there are things that make me FEEL old:

• Seeing the “you must be born on this date in 1990” calendars in bars.  Yikes!  You have to be born in 1990 to buy booze?  I had graduated college by then (and was already old enough to drink).  Damn.

• My calling CDs “albums.”  I always say, out of habit, “I love that new album by Bryan Adams.”  While vinyl albums are still produced, it seems that only collectors buy them.  I guess those fancy CDs are the new-fangled thing out today.

• Hearing songs that were popular when I was in high school on the Classic Rock station.  Classic Rock?  Isn’t that stuff like The Beatles, The Who, or The Rolling Stones?  You know, stuff that was made before I was born by artists that are older than dirt now.

• Seeing my oldest nieces become “adults.”  They turned 22, 19, and 17 this year.  How the hell did this happen?  The 22 year old was 2 when I got married.  The 19 year old was still in mommy’s tummy.  Slow the hell down you guys!

• Saying “those darn kids” about those darn kids who are hanging out in malls, in my neighborhood, etc.  We were at a local mall a while ago and some kids were shouting and pushing and shoving each other.  I said to Angry, “Those darn kids don’t know how to behave in public these days.”  Whoops, maybe I AM old?

• Having hot flashes.  They suck.  That’s all I need to say about that.

• Having to go to bed early.  I can remember staying up past 2 am several nights a week (if not every night).  I’d be able to get up and go to work the next day and feel just fine.  Now, I’m lucky if I can stay up past 9 pm and not feel like crap at work.  Hope I’m not missing too much!

I just threw this list together. I’m sure I could come up with a lot more stuff if I really thought about it. Maybe my mind isn’t working too well today. Isn’t that what “they” say? Something to the effect of, the mind is the first thing to go when you get old.  Hmmm. . .

Boogie in the parking lot!

In my city (as I’m sure it is in yours), we have many people that drive their cars around with the music turned up way TOO LOUD.  It's so loud that when I'm in my house the pictures on the walls rattle.  Unfortunately, the music is often some sort of rap or hip hop.  This is not a critique of that type of music.  What causes the problem is that it is heavy with bass and this is what rattles everything from pictures on the wall to my brain.

When I was leaving work a while ago, I got off the elevator in the parking structure and I could hear music.  Mind you, the elevator bank is inside a small "room" and enclosed by glass doors.  This music was pretty loud for me to hear it in there.

When I walked out towards my car, I could hear that it was a Beatles song (Back in the USSR if I remember right).  I noticed a lady who must have been in her 60s "dancing" in her car seat as she listened to the song.

I have to admit, I found it quite charming!!  Of course, I like the Beatles and was sort of doing a "boogie" of my own as I walked to my car.  And, my brain wasn’t rattling.