Do you want a piece of tail?

No, no, no.  It's not what you are thinking.  Get your dirty minds out of the gutter people!!

Somehow, Angry and I got into a discussion about eating a mouse.  I think beer was involved because, really, who even THINKS about eating a mouse?

The question came up, "Would you rather eat a mouse's tail or his legs?"

I'd eat the legs.  They have bones but you could crunch them up quick and swallow.  But, they are small so there isn't much meat.  I'm assuming that if I'm eating a mouse I'm in desperate need of sustenance.  No?

Angry said he wanted some tail.  Oh yeah, some tail!  His reasoning?  He thought he'd be able to slurp it down like a piece of spaghetti.  It'd go quickly and there's no crunchy bones to deal with.  Those bones, he figured, could get caught in your throat.  Choking on a mouse leg isn't a great way to meet your maker.

Bon appétit!

Wha?

Angry and I visited our zoo last Sunday.

While hanging out with the Grizzly Bears at the Grizzly Bear exhibit, I overhead this conversation:

Woman Reading Sign About Grizzly Bears:  “I just don’t get it.”

Friend Who Looked Confused:  “Don’t get what?”

WRSAGB:  “Why they are so fat?”

FWLC:  “Wha?”

WRSAGB:  “They eat healthy stuff.  You know, like Elks and animals and stuff.”

FWLC:  “Wha?”

WRSAGB:  “How do they get so faaaaat when they eat such healthy food?  If you eat healthy, you shouldn’t get fat.”

 

They are BEARS!  Bears!  They aren’t fat.  They're bears!  Bears are big huge animals!  While I wanted to scream that out loud, I quietly said it to Angry instead.  He laughed so hard I thought he was going to pee his pants.

Hey, watch it! I'm not fat. I'm fluffy.

I hope this woman isn't a nutritionist.  I wouldn't want to be told to eat healthy foods like "animals and stuff."

Just remember, don’t tell a bear that he’s fat.  He may just eat you out of anger.

 

 

 

New Posts Coming Soon - I PROMISE!

I know I've been gone forever.  I'm sure no one comes to read this blog anymore.

My project that was supposed to end in January is still going strong.

I did take a vacation to Mexico last week (I was going to punch some body's lights out if I didn't leave).  I've got a couple of good things to write about from my trip.

I'll get to it ASAP!!  I swear.

Meanwhile, here's some birds you can see in Puerto Vallarta:




A Pelican.  They are graceful for their size.  It's fun to watch them dive into the water and come up with fish.

A Frigatebird.  We LOVE these.  They look so prehistoric.

I'M STILL HERE! I'M STILL HERE!!!

I know I don't have a lot of "regular" readers but wanted to let those of you who do click here that I'm still alive and hoping to blog soon.

No, I didn't get hauled in by the FBI like I thought I was going to.

My "it's going to end in January" project is still going on and I'm busy as hell. 

I've got a big list of stuff to blog about and it is killing me to not have the time (or energy).

I'll see you soon; I promise!!

Meanwhile, here's some cute animals:

Best buddies?

He looks like he's been naughty!!

Who doesn't like some pigs that are all dressed up?

I have no clue what this is (Hamster?) but the frog hat is da bomb!


 

It's my Blogiversary! Yes, I get to make up words if I want. It's my blog.

I started this bad boy on December 31, 2010 and I'm still here today (sort of).

While I've been way too busy to blog lately, I'm hoping to get back at it on a regular basis after January ends.  The project I'm "in charge of" at work should be done by then.

I've got some stories to tell you and I'm looking forward to sharing them!!


While you wait, take a look at these cutie pies and have a very safe and happy New Year!!

Isn't this a resolution that a lot of us have?  I'm going for the "buy a bigger basket" option myself!

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!!



I'm not dead!

For those of you that actually visit my blog on any sort of regular basis and have been wondering if I'm still alive. . . I am!!!

I've been busy getting ready for a vacation and that takes a lot of my free time when I get home from work.  I sure hope to have some good stories to tell when I get back though!

I know you are thinking, "Why doesn't she blog from work then?"  I've been working my ass off!  I sort of wish that was literal.  Well, I don't really want to be "ass less" as it would hurt to sit down without one.  But I wouldn't mind if it was a bit smaller.

Anyway, don't go away.  Keep checking. . . I'm here.  I'll get back to you with some stories or observations as soon as my life slows down a bit.

Meanwhile, I plan to drink a lot of these tonight:



I'll be drinking glasses, not pitchers!!

 

And this last month or so at work may cause me to have a few of these too:

Be careful. Very, very careful.

And since it's Friday, look at these cute baby animals and feel happy!





    

If this picture doesn't make you smile you have a cold, cold heart.





Yes, squirrels are rats with fuzzy tails but BABY squirrels are adorable!



Who doesn't love puppies?

A crazed turtle!

Angry has had a 55 gallon fish tank since he was a teenager.  When we got married, it came along with him.  Many years ago, we got bored with fish so we cleaned it out and bought a turtle.  He was a red-eared slider (or Chrysemys scripta elegans for you science geeks) that we named Harold.

Not really Harold but if you've seen one red-eared slider, you seen them all!

We got all the appropriate junk to put into the tank so that he’d be a happy turtle.  Harold had water to swim in, a branch to climb on, a platform to bask on, and plants to hide behind.  We were told at the aquatic store to take him outside and let him roam in the grass to allow his shell to dry out completely once and a while.  He seemed to enjoy these excursions but was usually a little agitated when we put him back into the tank.

Angry, Harold, and I were living in harmony and then BAM!  We had an incident.

Angry’s sister (we’ll call her D) came over for a visit and wanted to “hold” Harold.  Who holds a turtle?  He’s not a puppy or a kitten!

We told D that he had just been outside and was agitated so picking him up wasn’t such a great idea.

She stuck her hand in the tank and grabbed him anyway.  But, she reached towards him from the front and he bit her finger! 

The correct way to hold your turtle from the back; avoid that beak at all costs!

He clamped down and wouldn’t let go.  Panic ensued.  Angry finally got Harold to let go by blowing into his face.

Harold, who was renamed Killer at this point (trust me, turtles don't know their names so it didn't matter that we changed it), was blood thirsty after that.  He became a turtle vampire.  Every time we tried to pick him up, he’d stretch his neck and snap like a middle aged woman snapping up the “mommy porn” book, Fifty Shades of Grey.

Killer didn’t stay with us long after that.  Our aquatic store would buy back fish and turtles so we sold him back to them.  I didn't want to live life being viewed as lunch.

Red-eared sliders have a life expectancy of 50 to 70 years.  I’m sure Killer is still hanging around, biting the hand that feeds him.

Don't you look handsome?

I was at a pet supply store a while ago and witnessed something I found interesting.

I have a cat and I talk to her.  I’m guessing everyone with a pet talks to them.  Every morning when I leave for work, I tell Abbey to “be a good girl” and “I’ll see you later when I get home from work.”  That sets a routine for your pets to expect you to return every day.

I also ask her when I get home, “Where you a good kitty today?”  Or, “You didn’t cause any trouble today did you Abbey?”

If we have a windowsill filled with birds, I’ll call to her, “Abbey you better check the window, those birds look yummy!"  Don't call PETA on me.  She's not allowed outside and eating birds is only a dream of hers.

I obviously don’t get any "human" answers that consist of actual words (and I certainly don't expect any!) but she loves to talk.  She meows constantly and when you talk to her, she always answers.

I’ve never felt that I got too carried away with this.  I know it for a fact now after what I saw at the pet supply store.

I was shopping for some new canned cat food.  It was taking me quite a while as I was reading all the labels and searching for holistic foods with natural ingredients and good flavors.

Nearby was the isle with pet “clothes.”  They have a large assortment of sweaters and coats, including rain gear.  There are some biker outfits with faux leather vests and pants (maybe chaps?).  They even have tutus and dresses for the gals.  Halloween brings out all the cute costumes as well.

A woman was in that isle taking different outfits out of the packages and putting them onto her little dog.  He was small and fluffy.  Some sort of yappy type dog (maybe a Shih Tzu or a Pomeranian?).  Now, yappy dog owners do not take any offense.  We all have the perfect pet.  It those dogs are yours, great! 

She’d put something on the dog and say, “Well, don’t you look handsome?”  That's pretty normal and even I’d say that!  That’s an observation by us pet owners that does not require an answer.  My Abbey is beautiful and I tell her things like that all the time.

You don't have to tell me; I know I'm gorgeous!

After the handsome comment, what I found interesting was how she continued talking to her dog during this process to find an the perfect outfit. 

Here’s what I heard and what I think the dog would have said if he could have.

LADY WITH SMALL, YAPPY DOG:  Would you rather have the black vest or the brown vest?

YAPPY DOG THAT CAN’T REALLY SPEAK:  They are both neutral lady; you can pick one!

LWSYD:  Do you think that’s too frilly for you?

YDTCRS:  Anything frilly is not appropriate for a male dog.  How's about some more leather stuff instead?

LWSYD:  Is that too tight?  Should we try a bigger size?

YDTCRS:  Take a close look.  If I have a muffin top or my “junk” is being squeezed, it’s too tight.  I think you can figure this out without my input.

LWSYD:  Should we get you a coat?  This winter could be cold.

YDTCRS:  I have fur!  Long, fluffy fur!  That's a coat isn't it?

LWSYD:  I know you’d look a little silly but the tutus are cute!  What do you think?

YDTCRS:  If you buy me a tutu, I’m running away to find a new owner.  Stop the madness!

When I found the food I wanted to buy, she was still there chatting with her dog.  I felt a little “dirty” listening in on their conversation so I left.

I still wonder what sort of outfits he ended up with.  Was he happy with them?

The Packers better beat the Giants today. - UPDATED

 That is all.

Hey you Giants - you're gonna get the snot beat out of you today.

UPDATE:

Well, the Packers lost the game.  They should not have rested their starters.  And, they should have adjusted their defense to play better (how about rushing the passer?).

I'm too depressed to move!

My love, my shadow.

Almost 15 years ago, Angry and I adopted a cat from a no-kill shelter.  I want to tell you his story.

I went to buy some kitty litter from a local store.  Some people from that shelter were there with cats and kittens in cages, looking to adopt them out.

I spotted a little grey guy who looked like a cat we already had.  He was so cute and sweet that I adopted him on the spot.

You would have taken him home too!

When I asked the people about him and they estimated that he was about 6 months old.  One of their volunteers had been driving down a very busy street and she noticed him running around.  She pulled over and called out “Come here kitty cat.”  He ran right to her and let her pick him up!   He loved everybody, even a stranger on the street.

When we got him home, we put him in one of the bedrooms to separate him from our other two cats until we could get him checked out by the vet to make sure he was healthy.  And then we’d have to introduce them slowly.

We’d go in a check up on him and give him some loving about every hour or so.  One time, Angry went in and he came right back out and said, “It smells like piss in there.”  Sure enough, he hadn’t been fixed (they told me he was and I didn’t look at that area to check) and he was spraying everywhere in the bedroom.  Everywhere.  He could smell the other two cats and wanted to make his presence known!

When we went to bed, we tried to think of a name for him.  He couldn’t go to the vet without a name.  We discussed lots of options but didn’t “love” any of them.  Finally, I said, “Wait a minute; I love Gossamer, the monster from Bugs Bunny.  He’s a monster right now.  Let’s call him Gossimer.”  We spelled it differently so he’d be unique.  I called the vet at 7 am the next morning and told them we needed a checkup and a neuter that day.

He became my baby almost immediately.  He had to share me with one of our other cats but when she died, Gossimer got full possession of my lap and my time.

Catching a few rays.

Gossimer tried to help me blog. It was obviously boring for him!

Where's my milk and ice cream?

Packer fan, through and through.

I was a naughty kitten!

In late October, as we were getting ready to go to Mexico, Gossimer started to rub his face and shake his head like he was in pain.  We knew his teeth were sort of yucky and planned to get him in for a cleaning and have any bad ones pulled when we got back from vacation.

Unfortunately, the day before we left, he stopped eating.  We called Angry’s parents and asked them to rush him to the vet on Monday.  When we called them to check up on him, it was dire.  But the vet got him “up and running” again with some fluids and some antibiotics.  The plan was to clear up the infection in his gums and then do the dental work.

The week before Thanksgiving, he stopped eating again.  We made his appointment for the Friday after Thanksgiving and he went in that day for a cleaning and any pulling that was required.

It was very unpleasant for him.  He had two teeth pulled.  One small one way in the back of his mouth and one canine (the big pointy one) on the bottom.  Canine teeth help keep the jaw bone stable and when his was pulled it did quite a bit of damage.  He was in a lot of pain and we had him on some narcotic pain meds and antibiotics.

He seems to be healing and was slowing eating small bits of food.  Then, he quit eating again.  The vet checked him out and felt that his jaw was healing well.  We couldn’t figure out what was happening to make him not want to eat.  We started giving him some more pain meds and that worked for a few days.

On Friday of last week, he quit eating again.  We visited the vet again on Monday of this week and she said she was terribly worried that something else was “really wrong” that was not related to his jaw.  She drew blood and we waited with baited breath until Tuesday for the results.

The results showed that he had cancer.  By Tuesday he had really wasted away to nothing.  He had, in these months, gone from about 7.5 pounds to 5.6 pounds.  He was so weak that he could barely stand up.  He was basically just staring straight ahead with no “life” in his eyes.  The decision was easy for us.  He could not suffer any longer and keep starving himself to death.

Tuesday night we took him to the vet, wrapped in his favorite blanket, and let him go to heaven.  He was finally peaceful.  He had been so hurt and sad since October.

I miss his face.  I miss his purr.  I miss his big eyes looking up at me waiting for me to scoop him up into my arms.  I miss his long claws that I never trimmed enough, that would scratch my legs when he jumped on me.  I miss his prancing around the kitchen because I could never get his breakfast or dinner ready fast enough for him.  I miss him playing with his favorite plastic ball with a bell in it (carrying it in his mouth like a goof).  I miss his “yowling” when he was hunting his toys.  I miss his scratching on my bedroom door if I didn’t get up early enough for him (and while I was getting ready for work in the morning because he missed me for those few minutes).  I miss his body sitting on my lap all the time.  I miss him trying to get onto the TV tray when I was eating cereal or ice cream to get some goodies.  I miss him reaching into the potato chip bags to help himself to salty treats.  I miss him digging in the carpet.  I miss him running to the door to greet me every time I was out of the house (or even if I was in the basement!).  I miss him sitting on the toilet lid clawing at my legs, trying to get me to hurry up when I was brushing my teeth (so I’d pick him up).  I miss him waiting for me to put on my jewelry in the morning so we could get some petting time in before I left for work.  I miss him turning over onto his back to get his “armpits” scratched (he loved that!).  I miss holding him in my arms, listening to him purr every time I picked him up (which was all the time).  I miss his “head bumps” when we sat on the couch.

I know that he’s in heaven playing with his buddies that preceded him in death.  I know he’d not in any pain.  I know that he’s back to being a healthy kitty.  I know that he’s at peace.  My tears will eventually dry and my heart won’t ache constantly.

Goodbye to my handsome buddy who was my shadow for almost 15 years.  You’ll be missed Gossimer.  You’ll be remembered with much love and happiness.

The maple kind? Yeah!

This is some funny shit.  I stole it from one of my favorite bloggers, Rachel Lucas (she's in my reading list if you want to check her out).

What brand?

Angry and I have two cats.  One is 14 years old and one is 11 years old. 

The older cat stopped eating hard kibble a few years ago.  No big deal, we started feeding him canned food.  We’ve searched out what we thought was the best.  We’ve tried holistic food, all natural food, and food made from nothing but fish or fowl.

He used to eat pretty much anything we offered him.  I’d mix it up with different “flavors” because I felt like he’d like a variety.  Yeah I know; he’s a cat for pete’s sake.

A while ago, he stopped eating anything that was seafood flavored.  What?  A cat that won’t eat seafood?  We bought only chicken, turkey, or beef.  Then he stopped eating beef.  We He eventually narrowed it down to two foods that he’d eat.  Then a month or so ago, he stopped eating one of those two.  We are currently down to one flavor of one brand that “Mr. Picky Pants” will eat.

Monday I opened the last can and asked Angry to stop after work to pick some up.  I specifically asked him if he knew what brand and flavor to buy.  The very typical “Yes Dear” was the response I got.

When I got home, he told me that the store only had the “small” cans so he bought a bunch of them instead of the larger cans we like.

That brand we use doesn’t come in a “small” size!  I asked him what he bought.  He said the “Turducken” flavor that the cat likes. 

NO, NO, NO!!  He won’t even sniff that one before he walks away!!  That’s the one he quit eating a month ago.

I’m normally the one to feed the cats.  This is even funnier because he just fed them the other day (using the correct brand).  Then, he also fed them when he got home from the store.  He didn’t notice that the can he was using was different from the ones he just bought!!

Luckily, the pet supply store we use allows returns.  He said he was going to tell the sales guy that, “My wife told me the wrong brand to buy” for his return reason.  Thanks Honey!

I love the man but sometimes wonder what’s going on in that head!!

Cats with Thumbs

Because I'm too damn lazy to write an actual blog post, I'm going to share this video with you.

Yes, it's an ad.  Yes, it's FUNNY!

Jesse is awesome!

I'm so in love with this video.  I stole it from one of the bloggers on my reading list, Rachel Lucas.  Check her out.

Watch it.  Enjoy it.  But, be prepared.  I giggled so hard I almost peed my pants!

I almost kicked some butt at the zoo!

This is an old story.  I think it’s worth sharing.

We are lucky to have one of the top zoos in the country right here in our city.  We don’t visit as often as we should but we do try to hit it up a few times every year.

They have an event every summer called Zoo a la Carte.  You can visit the zoo during and after hours to sample food from many local restaurants and see live music by local bands.

We were at this event several years ago.  We spent the evening tasting lots of good food, listening to music, and enjoying the animals.  As we got close to the exhibit of Brown Bears, I noticed a couple pulling a child in a red wagon.  The wagon also had a cooler filled with what I will assume was beer since I got a strong scent of it as I got closer to them.  I watched as the man tossed several peanuts into the bear enclosure.

The ensuing conversation went like this:

ME (speaking towards him but not necessarily directly to him):  The sign says “Don’t feed the animals.”

Stupid Ass Man:  These are just peanuts.

ME:  Oh, I’m sure they are just like the bags of peanuts that the bears buy in the wild.  They are NOT supposed to be eating those.

SAM:  Like a couple of peanuts are gonna hurt.

ME (getting louder and more upset):  They are not good for the bears. That’s why they explain it to you on the big sign right there. 

SAM:  Geeze . . .

ME (leaning towards the guy getting ready to knock the peanuts out of his hand):  Do you need me to get a zookeeper to explain this to you?

SAM (putting his hand up, palm towards my face):  Talk to the hand. 



Not the actual hand!

He then turned quickly and started to walk away.  Angry later told me he was moving closer in case it got physical (he’s a little protective of his wifey). As the asshole got a few feet away, he turned and threw another handful of peanuts into the enclosure and looked to see if I was watching.

I really wanted to go over there and kick his butt.  I was ticked off.  I do understand that isn’t the right thing to do so I kept calm and walked the other way.  I like to think that I would have won that battle.  He was so SMOOTH with that “talk to the hand” comment that I just know I could have sucker punched him and knocked him to the ground.  What. A. Loser.

Needless to say, we do NOT visit the zoo during their a la Carte event anymore.  They allow dumb assholes like this to bring their own booze.  Then they do stupid things that endanger the animals.  I don’t want to be forced to kick some butt!

The Packers better beat the Steelers today. - - - UPDATED

 That is all.



Hey you Steelers, you're gonna lose!

Go Pack!





 We WIN!!  The Green Bay Packers are the World Champs!!  Way to go guys!

The Packers better beat the Bears today. - UPDATED

That is all.

Hey you Bears, you're gonna lose!

Go Pack!

Update:

WE WIN, WE WIN, WE WIN!!  SUPER BOWL XLV, HERE WE COME!