Mumbles or Bad Ears?

I mishear Angry quite often.

I think he mumbles.  He says I have "bad ears."

Due to his mumbling, we've had some interesting conversations.


We were watching a basketball game:

Angry:  The hamster's ready to date.

ME:  What?

Angry:  I said that the score's been stuck on 38.

Me:  I was wondering how you'd know anything about a hamster's love life.



We were chatting about how old and decrepit I was feeling one day:

Angry:  If you were a whore, I'd send you to the glue factory.

Me:  I'm a whore?

Angry:  If you were a HORSE, I'd send you to the glue factory.

Me:  Either way, that's not nice. 


He better stop mumbling because I'm not buying hearing aids (even though I'm about ready for the glue factory!).

Angry's Rules

Angry makes up his own rules.  Especially when driving.

One day, we were sitting in the left turn lane of a very busy intersection.  We were not out in the street; we were still behind the crosswalk. 

Our light turned red and he pulled out and turned!

Being a professional back seat driver I screamed said, "What the hell are you doing?  You just ran a red light!"

His answer?  "I didn't break the law.  Nobody beeped at me."

This is the word of Angry.  Amen.

Wha?

Angry and I visited our zoo last Sunday.

While hanging out with the Grizzly Bears at the Grizzly Bear exhibit, I overhead this conversation:

Woman Reading Sign About Grizzly Bears:  “I just don’t get it.”

Friend Who Looked Confused:  “Don’t get what?”

WRSAGB:  “Why they are so fat?”

FWLC:  “Wha?”

WRSAGB:  “They eat healthy stuff.  You know, like Elks and animals and stuff.”

FWLC:  “Wha?”

WRSAGB:  “How do they get so faaaaat when they eat such healthy food?  If you eat healthy, you shouldn’t get fat.”

 

They are BEARS!  Bears!  They aren’t fat.  They're bears!  Bears are big huge animals!  While I wanted to scream that out loud, I quietly said it to Angry instead.  He laughed so hard I thought he was going to pee his pants.

Hey, watch it! I'm not fat. I'm fluffy.

I hope this woman isn't a nutritionist.  I wouldn't want to be told to eat healthy foods like "animals and stuff."

Just remember, don’t tell a bear that he’s fat.  He may just eat you out of anger.

 

 

 

How creative!

I had the radio on while I was driving home from work yesterday.  An ad came on and for some reason it caught my attention so I listened instead of changing the channel.

While the 'announcer' was talking I heard, "It feels so real that it feels real."

Well now, that was creative wasn't it?

It's time they hire a new advertising agency.

I think my cat could have some up with a better line than that!

I can write better ad copy than you can.  Nan na na na boo boo!