Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Celery is evil.

You may be asking yourself “why?”  Or maybe not.  Either way, please allow me to explain:

1.   It tastes yucky gross horrible!  I feel the taste is like old sweat socks if you dared to eat them.
2.   It’s an ugly shade of green.  I am a big fan of the color green.  I own lots of green clothing and several pairs of green shoes.  But celery is the most unappealing, almost sickening, shade.
3.   It smells funny.  Sort of like a cross between old wet grass and puke.
4.   It is stringy.  Who really wants to get those strings caught between their teeth?
5.   People try to “jazz it up” with things like peanut butter and Cheese Whiz.  If it’s so great, why the need to add stuff to it?
6.   It spoils a pretty plate of chicken wings.  What’s the use?  If you need something to cool the heat, use the blue cheese dressing!

These wings would rock if the celery was gone.

 My Grandma used to add celery to almost everything she cooked.  I'd constantly remind her of my disdain for it.  She would say: "You can't even taste it."  Then why use it?  She'd also say: "It adds crunch."  In soup?  Not so much.

I can find the most minuscule piece of celery in any food item you place in front of me.  I can taste it and smell it in ANYTHING.  I spend inordinate amounts of time picking it out of stuff.

Stop the madness.  Outlaw celery immediately.


Angry said...

Celery is good! I think you are just confused.

Anonymous said...

Celery root with mashed potatoes are heaven! Go ahead and skip the celery. More for us!
- Bob