Elevator Etiquette

I work on the 24^th floor of a 33 story office building.  The parking structure I use is in the same building and occupies ten of the floors.  I need to take two elevators two times a day, one to exit/enter the parking structure and one to/from the 24^th floor.

Let’s discuss elevator etiquette shall we?

ü      When the elevator door opens, WAIT for the people on it to exit.  Don’t jump in there and plow the exiting passengers over.  No courtesy = you are an ass.

ü      If someone on the elevator says “hello” or “good morning/afternoon” to you, say it back.  Otherwise, you look like a cranky ass.

ü      Don’t fart in an elevator.  We are all trapped in there and don’t want to deal with your stink bomb(s)!  Don’t be a smelly ass (literally).

ü      If there are a lot of people on the elevator and it stops to let more on, move towards the back and closer to your fellow passengers.  Don’t stand like a brick wall and force everyone else to shuffle around you.  You aren’t that important, you ass.

ü      Don’t sigh loudly if your floor is higher than mine and I press a button that makes you stop (for a few seconds) on my floor.  That makes me move veeeery slowly when I exit!  I become an ass (but you deserve it).

ü      Don’t talk about very personal things with your co-workers or friends.  I don’t want to hear about the new rash you just discovered.  I don’t want to hear about the great (or bad) sex you had last night.  I don’t want to hear about your new hair plugs or boob job.  Please keep this stuff to yourself.  If you don't, you sound like a self-centered ass.

ü      If someone is carrying a ton of stuff and their arms/hands are full, ask “what floor?” and push the damn button!  Bad manners = you are an ass.

CAN STOP BEING AN ASS!