Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A story about a sandwich.

Angry and I were at a local bar having a late-night beer after a show.

It was quiet, with a small crowd sitting around the bar.  We could all sit comfortably with lots of stools between each other.  This will be important in a moment.

In walks a couple.  He was walking with quite a “strut.”  Immediately, I sensed an attitude.  He looked like he thought they were very, very important.  They decided to cram into the two stools right next to me and she pushed and shoved her legs against mine.  I was forced to move over or be squished.  You couldn’t find two stools with some space between? D’oh!

The conversation with the bartender went like this:

Man With An Attitude:  “Hey there!  How ya doin’?  It’s been a long time and it’s good to be here.”
Cute Blonde Bartender:  “What can I get you guys to drink?”
Wife With Attitude:  “I need a rainbow.”
CBB:  “What’s that?”
WWA (in a very snarky voice):  “It’s Sambuca and Tequila Rose.”
CBB:  “We don’t have Tequila Rose.”
WWA:  “snort”  Yes, that’s right, she just snorted.  Did that mean she wanted something else?  Who knows.
MWAA:  “I’d like a corned beef sandwich.  They always hook me up with lots of extra corned beef.”
CBB:  “I’m not sure the kitchen is still serving dinner.  I’ll check for you.” 

Keep in mind, it was close to midnight.  The bartender went to check and I had to listen to the man say over and over that they “always” serve late and that he “always” gets “hooked up” with extra corned beef.  I felt like he was making sure everyone around him knew how important he was.

CBB (coming back from kitchen):  “I’m sorry Sir; the kitchen is serving only appetizers for another half an hour or so.”
MWAA (starting to whine):  “I can always get my corned beef no mater what time it is!”
CBB:  “We were just purchased by a new owner and they are making some changes.  The kitchen hours are one of them as they are planning to change the menu.”
MWAA (sounding like he was going to cry):  “I was looking forward to that corned beef like I look forward to Christmas!”
CBB (handing him a menu):  “I’m so sorry Sir.  If you’d like, I can put an order in for any of the appetizers on the menu.  Did you want a drink?”
MWAA (speaking to his wife):  “Let’s get the hell out of here.  I guess they don’t like their regular customers any more.”

As the man and woman stormed out of the bar, he stomped his foot and very loudly said, “Damn It!”

The other patrons at the bar immediately began laughing and commenting on this man's bad attitude and self importance.  And the anger.  So much anger.  I heard the words, “I always get hooked up with extra corned beef” repeated several times followed by howls of laughter. 

We chatted with the bartender and she said that she works most nights and had never, ever seen this guy.  Regular?  Not so much.  She also said that she has never heard of “hooking up” anyone with extra meat on their sandwich without charging for it.  She said, “You can get what you want but you’re gonna pay for it.”

Now, I enjoy eating out and good food.  But I’ve never likened a sandwich to Christmas.  And, I’ve never had a fit if something wasn’t available (especially late at night when most bars only have limited menus).  Pick something else for Pete’s sake.

This guy was almost crying over the fact that he couldn’t get his “hooked up” corned beef sandwich at almost midnight.  Chill out!  Have a drink and relax.  It’s just a sandwich.



Laura said...

I would hook that guy up with some extra dead hooker meat on his sandwich. What an ass.

Liz said...

Damn Laura. . . I didn't think of that. But, would I have gone to jail for suggesting that? :-)