Monday, March 21, 2011

Driving Etiquette

I’m feeling very bossy today so I’m going to give you more rules to follow.  I feel like I need to be in charge!!

Let’s discuss driving etiquette shall we?

Ø      When entering the freeway, do NOT get on at 45 mph.  The speed limit is at least 55 mph and most cars on the freeway are going at least 60 mph (this could be even faster depending on where you are driving).  You have a nice entrance ramp to get yourself up to speed.  If you are afraid to get going, stay off the freeway.
Ø      Let other people enter the freeway (even if they are only going 45 mph).  If people are tying to merge, let them!  You can change lanes, slow down, or speed up.  This is not rocket science; you are not the only person on that road!
Ø      Don’t slam on your damn breaks on the freeway as you get close to your exit.  Get onto the exit ramp and then slow down.  D’oh!
Ø      Don’t tailgate me on the freeway.  I tend to go at least 10 miles over the speed limit and am often doing 15 over.  If that’s not fast enough for you, go around me.  If you tailgate me, I’m going to slow the hell down.  Then, I’ll get to see you flip me the bird.  I love that!
Ø      Those of you that go 100 mph in a neighborhood, slow the hell down.  There are kids and pets that can run out from between parked cars.  I don’t want to witness you run someone or something over.  Speed limits are slow in these areas for a reason.  If you are running that late, leave earlier next time.
Ø      On the other hand, please drive at least the speed limit!  Why are you driving 15 in a 30 mph zone or 50 on the freeway when it’s 65 mph?  Come on, read the signs. 
Ø       Learn how a four way stop works.  First to the sign crosses or turns first.  If you get there at the same time, the person on the right goes first.  Do NOT direct traffic and wave people to go before you.  You are not a cop.  Only cops get to direct traffic.
Ø      Don’t slingshot past me only to turn left in front of me at the next corner.  Now I have to sit behind you while you wait to turn.  I’d like to ram your car when you do this.  I’ll refrain.
Ø      Get off your friggin’ phone.  You are swerving and changing speeds more often than a hooker changes johns.  I’m going to cause an accident trying to avoid your craziness.  Then you will drive on, totally oblivious to what’s happened.
Ø      When it is raining, snowing, or foggy turn your lights on.  It may not help YOU see but it helps me see you.  This is actually the law in many states (look it up).
Ø      Keep your cigarette butts in your own damn car.  If you want to smoke, don’t liter.  Not only are you a litterbug but you could possibly kill birds (who eat them thinking they are insects).  When I see you flip one out your window, I wish for it to fly back into your car and smolder in the back seat.

Am I a perfect driver?  I’d like to think so.  But, I know that’s not the case.  I do, however, practice driving etiquette.

If you remember my rules, then we can avoid any sort of road rage.  Trust me, you don't want to feel my wrath (well, let me think so anyway)!


Laura said...

You should start up a driving school and beat the ones that fail your class. Don't you think that would be fun? Or is it just me?

Liz said...

Oh yeah Laura! That's a grand idea. It's not just you, I have a mean streak in me and would enjoy handing out a good beating or two!!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Yes, yes, a thousand times YES! Especially the last point. Smokers: THE WORLD IS NOT YOUR ASHTRAY!!!

Liz said...

Agreed Linda. If your car is "too good" to put out your cig, then don't throw it on my street.